WATCHING FROM THE SIDELINES
I wrote this story as a tribute to Andy’s story about Matt, Kris, Corey, Colt and the Gang.
The gang has been a part of my college life and all I could say is thank you for continuing it
and making the story worthwhile.
This story is about an unseen character that maybe some of us can relate to. We all know someone
has to play in the background. Someone has to be underneath everything and go unseen. Somehow,
someone suffers from afar when we think everything is okay within eyes reach.
And we all know that there will always be a good story behind another good story.
Do you believe in love at first sight? It may seem funny to me now cause
looking back, two years ago, I never thought I'd be able to fall for someone.
Here I am now, looking from a distance, inside my car, watching the guy I have
fallen in love with get in his car and leave the school for summer.
"Bye... I hope I'd see you in August.." I whispered to myself and drove off as well.
My name is Cord. I'm 20 years old and taking up Multimedia Arts. I am a sophomore and next
August I will be a junior. I stand 5’8’’; have a pale complexion which made me seem like a
character of that hideous Twilight film. My copper hair is now shoulder length and nicely frames
my face, just how I like it. My body is well defined, but hardly any better than that of the
blonde dude I regularly see with the guy I really wanted to know more.
It's amazing how time goes by so fast. Still, unlike other people I know, and I know only a few
people here, I haven't changed at all.
Maybe the reason I never had any cliques to hang out with is because I'm stupidly timid and
unfuckingbelieavably shy. I don't know what's wrong with my jaws but every time I'd try to be
friendly to strangers, they vibrate uncontrollably and I'd stutter and say something stupid.
The drive home was as boring as before, I'd have to drive 3 hours to get home. On the road I
my first day in college.
I was really nervous as hell and didn't know what to do. I didn't know
anyone as far as I'm concerned cause all my friends in Highschool would be studying far north,
if not down south. I shouldn't be worrying because I have an appartment to myself just accross
I talked my parents into availing me one, and thank God they approved of it since they know how
I can't stand to be with a stranger and be comfortable. To be honest, my mom kind of liked it
better this way.
In class I've always been the one who just watched and never participated. I was never noticed
in class, not that
I'd want to be noticed too. When I get to do a routine, it just goes on and on and time would
just seem to fly by. I didn't care, I was too obnoxious.
Well my life changed that one early morning when I was walking out in the rain. I had a really
bad fight with Dad because he wanted me to shift courses on the following semester. I didn't
really want his choice for me to become an Engineer. I hate math. I fucking spit on math
I was so pissed that I walked to the campus under the rain and didn't know where I was going. I
was in a parking lot near one of the college dorms when four loud guys came laughing and passed
by me. One guy was blonde and had a really nice
build, the other one had a brown hair and a country boy look. The other had spiked blond-ish
hair and was also well cut. The other one took everything out of me. He wasn't that well-built
than the other three. He was shorter. But it took me everything I've got not to fall on the
ground that moment. His eyes passed by me while he was smiling and as soon as they connected
with mine it changed focus.
They jumped in the car of the blonde guy, I assumed it was the blonde's car because he took the
driver's seat. I didn't know what came over me
and I got so damn scared. I sat on a nearby bench in the parking lot and pulled my hood on. It
was still raining and
I didn't know why I was there. I just know that I wanted to see that guy again.
By now you could have guessed that I like guys. And like some closeted gays, before, I wanted to
think that this was just a phase,
but now have learned to accept the fact that I am gay. The only person who needs to know is me.
I can't tell my parents. I just know
they'd freak out.
About an hour or so, the familiar SUV parked and out came the guy who caught my eye. I guess I
wasn't just dreaming because the second
sight hit as hard as the first time I saw him. As they entered the building the guy jumped on
the blonde guy's back who lost his balance
and had the group laughing. "Very funny Matt!" The blond guy said.
"Matt.." I whispered and smiled. "Nice to meet you.."
Ever since then, I'd always pass by that building. Sometimes I'd see him with a number of people
and wished that I was more like him.
Socialite and knows his way around lots of people.
One morning I got up early and since my class was in the afternoon, I brought my iPhone with me
and sat on the bench in the lot and played with
an application and hoped that he'd have class in the morning. Thankfully he did, he walked out
with the blond guy who now I assume is his best friend from the way they talk to each other. I
followed him to his room and ended up being outside that room every Mondays just to
see his face. It never occurred to me but he never had laid eyes on me ever since I saw him that
rainy morning in the parking lot. I may seem shallow but he really did kept my first year from
The best part is that I learned that he is gay. The downside? I know I had no chance in hell
because he had a boyfriend and it hurt me every time I see them together.
There was this one time I saw him walking in the campus alone, he seemed a little down. I was
all set in approaching him and finally introducing myself but then the spiked guy came and
hugged him and they walked together holding hands when they thought no one was looking.
Somehow, he being with his boyfriend never got the best of me. I just know that someday, I would
be able to approach him and finally say,
"Hey, I've been in love with you for about more than a year now... My name is Cord.."
I got scared shit on the beginning of my sophomore year when I didn't see Matt's car or his
friend's SUV.I came to school on a Wednesday
hoping that they'd decide to go back to school early. I'm sure I was just over panicking because
it was too early and there weren't a lot of students yet in the school grounds.
I couldn't talk my parents out of the stupid deal I had to stay in the apartment. According to
them it would be nice if
I'd continue staying there because my grades might be affected if I'd get in with a roommate and
they were scared that
my roommate would be a drunkard or smoker.
I was caught in my mind when I heard someone screamed. "Hell yeah! We're here!" It was Matt's
best friend. And there was Matt...
He got off the car and looked as gorgeous as ever. They unloaded their things and walked in the
building. My heart was smiling all from that moment through the rest of the day.
Just like my first year, I never made any move towards Matt. I didn't want to get hurt knowing
that he'd just turn me down cause he had one hell of a boyfriend. So I decided to focus on my
studying. I didn't gain any more friends. The fact that I included stalking
Matt almost every day made my schedule so busy, I haven't got any more time to be with other
people. I was a loner, and I had kept it that way.
That was my survival strategy. To be alone.
Every day I would keep in mind that I had to see Matt even for just a second, and when I do, my
day would be complete. I know I sound stupid and shallow and none would believe that such person
with a life so.... life-less would exist. Unfortunately, I do exist.
And I am here, and in a way, I have learned to use Matt as my sole inspiration through college.
Sooner or later I've got to meet him.
I know I just have to.
During the first weeks of tests, I was reviewing in my car which I now park in the same parking
lot close to Matt's building, I saw his boyfriend and two other guys, behind them were Matt and
a girl whom I usually saw with them before.
Thursday afternoon after one of our theatre sessions, I was so pissed at my Professor, Mr.
Perez. He was asking me to do a major role on big play before the end of the second Semester. I
didn't really want to be part of the "face" I wanted to be only on the sidelines. I was so
pissed I wanted to punch something. I heard one of my classmates say before that the Rec Center
in the campus was packed with equipment, courts and all.
I gave it a try since I really needed to lose more sweat. I got home and packed my bag with
extra shirts and towels and a bottle of PowerAde.
I found my way to the Rec Center; it was my first time and was so surprised with what I saw.
"Hey! How's it going?" The blonde dude asked. I never really 'looked' at him before. He was
"H-hi.." I stuttered.
"You new to the Rec, I can tell."
"Yeah, I just ahhh... wanna throw some punches..."
"Awesome dude! Are you a pro?" He was so enthusiastic. I can't believe his friendliness.
"Not really.. I just do it to lose some pounds.... and some bad vibes.."
"Fuck! You're not the only one there." He smiled "You having trouble with schoolwork?"
"You can say that." I smiled back.
"Okay then, I'll show you the bags..." He said and I followed him through the weight room. My
classmate was right. The room was filled with all kinds of stuff, from mills to punching bags.
The bags were located at the far end of the room. I was glad that I had the small area for
myself. Then Matt's friend turned to me with a smile.
"Here you are, I guess you know your way around, I'm no pro in boxing." He said with a laugh.
"Yes, thank you very much."
"Holler when you need any assistance, I'm Kris by the way. You are?"
"Uhmm Im Cor.. Cord.." I shook his hand and he made a silly laugh. I looked at him
"It's nothing. You remind me of my best friend." He smiled and left.
When he was gone, I pondered on what he told me. "You remind me of Matt." I said under my
My mind was racing and didn't notice that I was really giving it to the bags.
"Whoa! Whoa! You okay there bro?" a guy said.
"Huh?" I removed my earphones and turned to see Matt's boyfriend holding a dumbel. I was struck
and didn't know what to feel.
"You were really giving those bags a hard time.. You okay?"
"Oh.. I'm sorry, I thought... uhhh... yeah I'm fine.."I was searching for words. It didn't help
that he was smiling at me.
"Okay, call me when you need something. Im Corey. You are?" He put the dumbel on the rack and
reached his hand.
"Ahh, Cord. Thanks dude" I reached for his hand.
He continued on arranging things and helped a guy on the weights.
After a few more punches, I left and showered and said thank you to Kris before I exited.
"You make sure to get back here again." Kris shouted
I turned and nodded towards him and smiled.
As I lay in my bed I was dumbfounded with what happened this day. My mind was spinning and all I
could think about is that maybe fate is making
its move and pushing me closer to Matt. The more I think of it the more my mind spun. Then
suddenly another thought hit me. Of course I will meet them sooner or later. We are basically in
one place, and the percentage of me getting to meet them is quite high. But still. I debated in
my head if I should still to the Rec Center. Kris seem to be really friendly. So is Corey. It
was the mixed emotions I had in the Rec that confused me. I was happy since I could feel that
getting closer to knowing Matt through Kris. But I hurt everytime I see Corey. I decided I'd
come back there twice every month.
My routine had changed again. Now I get to go to the Rec Center once in a while. I was still as
timid and didn't had the balls to ask Kris about
his 'bestfriend'. Corey and I hardly talked. He was always busy helping out in the weights.
The year practically was coming to an end and I was still the same way as I am about more than a
year ago. I was walking in the campus and was talking to one of the campus officers who was my
Dad's cousin's son, so I think that makes him my second degree cousin or so.
"So are your grades good Cord? I haven't seen you with a girl. With that build, I guess you
could land on a girl in a snap." Bill Malcolm said and laughed.
"My grades are okay." I said.
"Well then, it was nice seeing you. Take care." He patted my shoulders and turned to walk the
I was nearing the corner when I heard someone shout. "Faggot!" I looked and my heart skipped ten
heartbeats. Mat was on the ground
“Your fucking bodyguards aren’t here!” he said and pushed Matt back as he tried to stand. “Your
ass is mine!” He hit Matt in the face.
I was about to jump in but remembered Bill. I turned and saw Bill and ran to him.
When I returned with Bill I was surprised to see Matt on top of the guy and giving him what he's
got. There was blood running down the guy's chin.
“You two are coming with me!” Bill's voice was deep and angry.
Bill brought Matt and the attacker to the Police Headquarters here on campus. I followed them
and learned that the two were detained on separate rooms.
"Bill, why are you detaining Matt? He was the one who was attacked!" I said to Bill.
"Cord, you can give your statement later, but for now I need to get the story from both sides.
Bill said and went to Matt's detention room. After a while he went to the other guy's room. A
moment later he came out and shook his head and approached me.
"The guy is denying that he attacked Matt....." Bill started.
"That's bullshit and you know it!" I was fuming mad now.
"Now Cord. I need to check on Matt again." Bill said and went to Matt's room.
I was so mad right now and didn't care and went in the attacker's detention room where another
officer was talking to him. He had a proud look and was telling the officer that he wasn't the
"Officer, I'm a witness to the whole thing." I told the officer my side where I saw Matt dropped
on the ground. I can see now the face of the fucker change from confident to terrified. "And I
am very willing to be a witness when Matt press charges." Now I can see his face in complete
With my luck, the asshole did admit his doings and said that he's only done what he did to get
back on Matt for kicking his ass.
The case was settled with Matt asking for a restraining order instead of pressing charges. I had
admired him for standing up for himself which I know I personally could not do. Now, I am deeper
in love with him for his good heart. I would have pressed charges if I was him.
A few days later, it was getting dark outside and I was sitting on the bench I usually sit on,
playing with my iphone. Matt was inside the dorm. I was happy cause I get to see him again.
He's now getting so handsome and he's become a bigger inspiration to me. I was about to leave
when I saw the brunette girl that was with Matt before. She was crying and walked to the corner
of the building. It took everything in me to approach her. Lucky I had a clean hanky with me.
"Uhmmm are you okay?" I said with a soft smile.
She turned to me and smiled a bit while wiping her tears. "Oh God, this is so embarrasing.."
"I-it's okay.. Here." I offered here the handkerchief.
"I insist. It's clean" I smiled again.
She smiled and took it. "Thank you..."
"No problem.. Are you really fine?" I asked again. I'm really not good in conversations.
"I guess.." Again she was sobbing. "I- I- I My... Boyfriend..." then she was crying again.
"Shhhh, I’m sorry for asking." I said. "Maybe we could talk it out? Over there by the tree?"
We sat on the bench and was quiet for a while. When she had her tears out of her she asked. "Are
you in this building? I've never seen you before."
"Oh, uhmm I stay on one of the apartments across the campus."
"Nice, the new ones?" She asked again.
"No, but there are a lot of new apartments that built this year, so I guess a lot of students
will be there next fall." I said.
"I see... Hey, thank you so much for the company... you were really nice."
"I try to be..." I laughed.
"I'm Toni by the way..." Toni introduced.
"Nice to meet you. I'm sorry about the crying. Sometimes it's all just too much to handle." she
smiled her sweet smile.
"Hey now, we all have our time. It wasn't working out huh?"
She sighed. "It's not. But God knows I've done everything I can to hold on but he was just too
much of an asshole to get what I've been meaning to tell him."
"So what's the asshole's name?" I asked which made her giggle.
"Want me to give Bryson a piece of my mind?" I asked again and she couldn't stop laughing "Now
that's more like it."
"Thank you Cord..." She smiled and looked at me. "You remind me so much about my friend Matt."
"Really? Why?" That's the second time I hear from Matt's friend that I remind them of Matt. So I
had to ask.
"You're really thoughtful and fun to be with and like him you seem to try to get people feel
good about themselves. I bet your friends are all around you?" She asked
"On the contrary, I don’t have that many friends."
"Shut up! I don’t believe you." She laughed.
"That's the truth. I'm usually a loner. This is actually the first time I talked to a girl and
lasted." I laughed
We talked a few more until I had to leave. She gave me a very sincere hug and got my number. I
got to ask her questions about her great friends though and learned that Matt was rooming with
Kris and Corey, which broke my heart more, and another guy named Colt. That night, I didn't had
any sleep. I just cried my eyes out. I thought about what I was doing with my life. The love I
feel for Matt. How hurt I feel every time I think that my feelings for him was doomed from the
very begging. But I still can't let him go. I just can’t.
The finals were actualy at hand's reach and our theatre presentation is biting me in the ass. I
did get to talk Mr. Perez to give me a role on the sidelines.
I was assigned as a floor director and loved the task. At the night of the performance, we were
packed with different students of different courses. I was a little nervous but the team pulled
it out in the end. After the show, I went up to the technical booth to check on our director. On
my way up I bumped into Corey who just passed by and didn't notice me. His mood seemed to be
rather in a bad condition. Behind him was Matt, who was in a bad mood as well. I wanted to run
after them but I can't. I just prayed Matt would be safe.
I was happy with the grades that I had achieved in the end of my sophomore year. Mostly 3.5 or
higher. The end of the school year for me has always been very uneventful.
What with me not having anyone. I could've gone crazy. But I survived it. Still now, I know that
somewhere in my college years, I would be able to tell Matt what I really wanted to tell him.
I packed my bags early and had a breakfast at the campus cafeteria for a change as I always ate
outside the campus in a local restaurant.
I gazed around and saw familiar faces. Time indeed goes by so fast.
I loaded my things in my car and rode to the campus lot. I sat for a while on my bench and took
pictures of the place. I'm really a sentimental person and tend to think deeply and appreciate
things well. Just as I was getting in the car I saw Toni and she approached me with a big hug.
"Cord, it sucks that I only met you at the end of the year." Toni said being a bit emotional.
"Me too Toni. Have a safe trip. For sure, I will see your sexiness here on August." I said and
"For sure.. Then I'll introduce you to the gang!" Toni said. And made me speechless.
"You will? I don't think that's a good idea." I smiled.
"Of course I will. And no more thinking. I will introduce you to them. I want you to have more
friends here." Toni said and hugged me again. "Have a safe trip!"
"Bye! And thank you so much Toni" I said. With my head spinning on what she said.
I got in the car just in time to see my angel with his boyfriend and friends going out of the
building and bid goodbye to them.
I didn't realize that I was already parked at home. I got out of the car with Maxie, my dog,
greeting me with very enthusiastic barkd and jumps.
"There's my baby boy!" Mom said as she came out the door with her apron on.
"Mom! How many times do we have to discuss the "baby boy" thing? I pouted.
I gave her a big hug and we went inside the house where dad greeted me with a hug as well.
"So how was your sophomore year?" Dad said. "Gained a few friends?"
"Actually I did dad."
"I'm happy for you son." He said "And I'm sorry about drilling you the Engineering stuff."
"It's okay. I'm sorry too dad."
That night I was lying on the bed and was playing with my iphone. I checked my gallery and saw
the video of Matt who was playing baseball and hitting the home run. It's
a bit pixelated but I can still imagine his face when he got the home run. I know all I could do
is hope and pray, that somehow, someday, I'd get to meet him
and he would see me the way I see him. I know I just had to.
TO BE CONTINUED...
I hope you enjoyed this story written by Peps. It is flattering to me the author to know I have
spawned others to write using my fictional characters. It was posted on NIFTY first so you may
As always, you can comment below..