This chapter ties in with Chapter 69.
Written by Andy and Big ‘D’.
At around midnight, Kris and I went in to my bedroom when everybody left. Corey
wanted to stay with me and comfort me but it was one of the nights when Kris and I
would usually share my room so I told Corey he should go off and be with Colt and if
I needed anyone then Kris would be there for me. I looked deep into his eyes and then
showed him the ring on my finger, telling him that now I always carried a little
piece of him with me and knew he would be there for me if I needed him. Corey smiled
and gave me the sweetest kiss ever before he headed off with Colt to the other
With the door shut behind us, Kris, uncharacteristically, stayed clothed and watched
while I stripped naked. I was trying to put words to my thoughts but I just couldn’t.
I could tell Kris wanted to say something too but he seemed to be at as much a loss
for words as I was.
After nearly ten minutes of silence with us just sitting around on the beds, Kris
finally got up and stripped off his clothes, tossing them on the floor. Naked and
seeming more relaxed, he climbed onto the spare bed that had been his bed before he
moved in with Colt.
“Kris, would you hold me for a while?” I didn’t really think about it, I just said
Without saying anything, Kris gently slid down from the bed and came up to me on the
blow-up mattress. He got in right behind me, pressing his naked body against mine,
wrapping his arms around my chest and placing his chin against my shoulder. Feeling
his body so close to me is something I will always cherish. Corey and I love each
other with all our hearts and I hope we will be together for the rest of our lives,
but I hope for the same thing with Kris, just in a different way. We have a bond that
will last forever and he will be my best friend for the rest of this life and all
through the next.
“You will get through this,” he whispered in my ear.
I turned myself around in his arms until I was looking into his blue eyes, “How?”
“I know you, Matthew.” Kris said, using my full name to show his feelings, expressing
how close we are, and maybe more importantly, it was the same way Dad addressed me.
“I just don’t get it. Why does it have to happen now?” I asked.
“People get sick…”
“Yeah they do, but why does it have to happen now? If it had happened a year ago I
probably wouldn’t have cared, and I know how terrible that sounds, but it’s true. But
now, just when Dad and I finally are getting our shit together, he was finally
telling me how he accepted me as his son, not his gay son, but his son. Things were
just starting to look up.”
I couldn’t help myself. The tears were coming again. Kris reached up with his hand
and wiped the tears away with his thumb. I could see his own sadness in his beautiful
blue eyes. I wasn’t even thinking, there was just too much going on in my head and my
body seemed to react all on its own. I kissed him gently on the lips. Kris accepted
it. He didn’t pull away from me but he didn’t kiss back either.
“I don’t know, Matty. Things happen all the time for all kinds of reasons. You said
that a year ago you probably wouldn’t have cared, so answer me this, how have your
feelings toward him changed over the past year? It wasn’t conscious. It just
“You’re right. When Dad came back in to my life again and when I heard him say my
name in a way only he ever has, ‘Matthew Alexander’, a chill went straight through my
body and hit me right in my heart. He was the man who abandoned me and my mom so many
times when I was younger. I hated his guts. I really did. Or I thought I did. I can’t
believe I’m saying this with how things are now, but at the time I wondered if things
would be better off if he was actually dead.“
Kris listened to me and just held me as we stared at each other, me with tears in my
“Then, when the dinners began, I tried to see the good in him. I mean, no matter what
faults they might have, we only have two parents and we owe it to them to do the best
we can by them, even if they haven’t always done so by us. Our relationship was rocky
at the beginning. I was still resentful for him leaving us so many times and for the
pain he caused. He was having trouble accepting that his son was gay. Then it slowly
got better. He met Corey and saw that we’re just two normal guys in love. He saw that
we weren’t screaming out that we were different and then with Gloria’s influence on
him, I think that was what got him to really change.”
“How do you mean?”
“I’m not sure. It was just a feeling I got, some kind of instinct. Gloria could just
have appealed to his sentimental side or something and made him realize that I am his
son, his flesh and blood, and he at least needed to give the relationship a try. I
honestly don’t know.”
I think Kris understood what I meant and there was a sort of sympathetic look in his
“I can’t remember when it happened, but I think gradually with time I finally came to
see him as my father again. I can’t put in to words how I felt but suddenly I had a
dad again and nothing I could do could stop me from loving him. I even forgave him
for leaving me so often. It didn’t matter because he was back in my life.”
“So, you saw the goodness that was there. You saw the potential in him?”
“Yeah, I did. Dad has his faults, everyone does, but he has many strong points too.
He even has some great characteristics I admire, most notably his great courage.”
“I don’t follow,” Kris said. “You’re talking about the fact that he asked to
recapture your relationship after what he put you through? I honestly thought back
then he had a lot of nerve to do that to you.”
“Yeah, so did I, but I realized that if I put myself in his position I may have not
had the strength to do what he did. How hard must it have been for him to say he was
wrong? And maybe more importantly to admit that he fucked up? That takes amazing
“You are right there. Are there any other good traits or memories you have about
Larry?” Kris asked curiously.
I thought for a few minutes. “Yeah there are few. I think I know where I got my level
of acceptance from.”
“Larry didn’t accept you for being gay, though.”
“Not at first, no, but eventually he did. And for man who was raised in a straight
household, a likely homophobic household, especially being part of his generation, to
accept your only son isn’t going to be the star football player, that he might not
get married or provide you with grandchildren… that is a tall order. Sure Mom knew
from the beginning I wouldn’t be doing most of that stuff that stereotypical straight
men do. Although she and I both know I’ve always wanted kids, however that happens.
But Dad’s whole life changed when he learnt that I was gay. He thought I was going to
follow in his footsteps, that I was going to be Larry Raymond version two, who was
the spitting image of his father. The lady’s man, the star athlete, the car lover,
you name it, he wanted it for me. It may have taken him a while, but he finally
accepted that I am not that and I never will be, but that I can be something else
entirely and still make him proud.
“That’s my point though; it took him time to accept you. When I told my dad that Colt
and I have fucked around, he didn’t bat an eye.”
“Yeah,” I said, remembering that was right around the time Kris let his temper get
the better of him because Jenny told him not swear in the house. The image played in
my head of the interaction between Kris and both of his parents and I realized that I
would never get to experience that. I looked in to Kris’s eyes and said, “What do I
do if he dies?”
Kris’s expression instantly changed. He pulled his arms from their position around me
and got up. I watched in silence as he walked over to the window in the room and just
stared out of it without saying so much as a word. How could I have been so stupid?
The whole thing about my father must have made him think about Nathan. I got up
instantly and went to him. I stepped in close, put my arms around his middle and
rested my head on his shoulder.
“I’m sorry, Kris. I didn’t think.”
“Don’t be. I’ve come to terms with it now, Matt. I can finally say that I miss my
brother dearly and mean it and not get upset. Well, I still get upset because I wish
he was here with me, but I don’t lose my temper over it anymore. I don’t think losing
a sibling is quite on the same level as losing a parent, even though it cuts you
right down to your core, but ever since Larry got sick, all I can think about is
“Why didn’t you tell me, Kris?”
“I didn’t want to burden you with anything else. I can only imagine everything that
must be going through your mind right now.”
“You’re not a burden, Kris. Not ever. There is nothing that we can’t talk about. You
should know that by now. Is that why you were so quiet when you came in here?”
“Yes. I should really be thinking about you but all I can think about is Nathan and
how he slowly changed.”
Kris never spoke about Nathan if he could help it. I didn’t speak. I just let him
talk to me on his own time. I wasn’t anywhere near tired anyways and figured we had
all night if need be. It nearly two in the morning.
“Matt, I never talk about Nathan because any time I think about him or hear his name
my mind instantly goes back to the crash and all the events leading up to it.”
Kris broke my hold and went to sit on the big mattress cross-legged. I got the hint
and went to sit opposite him in a similar fashion. We were looking in to each other’s
eyes but our body language was so different and not one part of us was touching.
Finally I broke the silence.
“Tell me about it, Kris. Let it all out for once.”
“For months and months Derek and Nathan went on their dates and every day Nathan
became more adventurous. I could see that he was becoming wilder and more outrageous.
He totalled Dad’s car twice and got high in the middle of the cafeteria, causing such
a stir. I think mom and dad were too embarrassed to talk about it. He drank almost
every night. There was nothing I could do. I couldn’t fix it. Then one night,
December 2 2003, he said goodbye to me for the last time.
“I think in my heart I even knew it was the last time I was going to see him alive.
That’s why that night I tried to stop him from going out. Early the next morning I
heard a car outside and I just knew it was his. I went out the front door to help him
in so he could go bed and when I opened the front door… I saw it…”
Kris started to cry, in all my years I could count the number of times I seen him
truly cry with the fingers on one hand. His entire body shook and it looked like the
tears that were rolling down his cheeks had been building up for years.
I moved across the mattress and even though it was uncomfortable, I leaned over and
held him in my arms. He cried and cried and I just continued to hold him. I wasn’t
even sure if there were tears in my eyes, I just knew that I needed to hold my best
friend and let him cry himself out. The minutes passed. I don’t know how long I held
him in my arms, cradling his head against my chest, but it didn’t matter, he needed
me and I was going to be there for him, just like I knew he was going to be there for
me as times got tougher with my dad.
Eventually Kris stopped crying and pushed me back away from him. He gave me a silent
nod, which was his way of saying thank you, and lay back on the mattress with his
arms around his head showing off his amazing naked body.
I couldn’t help myself, and even though it was really inappropriate, I heard myself
laugh. Kris turned his head.
“Sorry,” I said. “I couldn’t help it. Just that image of you is kind of funny.”
Kris could understand that comment when he realized what position his body was in. He
chuckled. Then he patted his bare stomach and I knew what he wanted me to do. I moved
around and lay my head where his hand had been, turning so I could still look up into
Kris sighed. “You know, there are some times when I think Nathan dying may have been
some kind of blessing.”
I was a little stunned by that. “What do you mean?”
“Well, you didn’t know how I was before Nathan died. I was kind of like you were.”
I looked at him feeling a little insulted.
“No,” he laughed, laying his head back against the mattress and running his hand
through my hair. “When I was in elementary school I was the shy kid. I just went to
school and then went home. I didn’t make many friends. I was always on the computer,
playing some game or other. I didn’t even have the nerve to ask Melissa out on a
date, let alone do the shit you did.”
“What did I do?” I asked confused.
I smiled remembering Daniel, the guy I met over the internet and lost my virginity
“Nathan was always trying to get off the fucking computer. He wanted me to live, to
experience the life of a child and to enjoy myself.”
“So after Nathan died you started to let him live through you?”
He held his head up to look at me. “Huh?”
“The spirit of Nathan lives on through you, Kris. It takes a lot of hard work to go
from an introvert to an extrovert, to make the significant changes you made,
especially in such a short period of time.”
“You’re saying Nathan is still living through me?”
“Yes, and as long as you are here he will be too.” I put my hand on Kris’s heart
where the letter ‘N’ tattoo resides. “The tattoo is there as a symbol to world that
he will always be there, with you every step of the way.”
“Yeah, I get that, but what do you mean about him living through me?”
“Kris, Nathan helped you along, somehow, he was an unseen hand helping you change
your personality, and probably on some subconscious level making you act like Nathan.
You changed the way you live your life to not only make him happy but to allow him to
kind of continue his life through you.”
“I see what you’re saying…”
I knew he didn’t but I let it go. I subconsciously, without any thought or reason,
started running my hand along the lines on his stomach, tracing his muscles and I
even played with his pubic hairs a little, which were just long enough to twirl
around in my fingers. We were both flaccid the entire time. There was nothing sexual
whatsoever in our touching and it wasn’t even something I was thinking about.
“What about you?” Kris asked.
“What about me?”
“What were you like before I entered your life?”
“I was a nobody.” I said without thinking, for some reason I didn’t need to think
when I was around Kris.
“No, seriously, in elementary school I had no friends. Mom was the only person other
than my teachers that I ever talked to. She was worried I would be alone forever.
Then, when I realized I was gay I had no one to talk to and I didn’t know where to
go. I did the only thing I could think of; I went on the internet to see what I could
find and eventually I found some chat groups. Some of the people on there were so
friendly and kind and just made me feel so good about myself. That led me to my first
“It’s hard not having a friend you can turn to admit your deepest secrets or your
mostly guarded thoughts to. I mean we both saw that when we had our huge fight in
high school. It’s one of the reasons that you could hurt me, hit me and fight with
me, get angry at me, and still deep down I know you will always love me. It’s just a
random moment in your messed up head.”
Kris listened and smiled and then slapped me playfully on the head. “I love you,
I slapped his dick playfully, “Back at you, brother.”
“Matt…” Kris said, suddenly serious.
I pulled myself up so I could look him directly in the eyes.
“I think I need to explain about the whole brother thing while we’re being open and
honest and while all my feelings for Nathan are on the surface,” Kris said.
“Kris, you don’t have to. I know I’ll never replace Nathan as your real brother.”
“No, you won’t, you’re right about that, but I still want to explain how I feel.”
“Okay. Go ahead.”
Kris smiled and took a moment to think. “It might be hard for you to understand
because you’ve never had a brother or a sister, but the bond between siblings is
unlike any other bond you can ever form with anyone. It really is built in. It’s like
your parents’ DNA wires you together from birth and there’s just some connection
there that you can’t explain.
“The love between siblings is totally unconditional. Nathan was quite a bit older
than me and we didn’t always spend much time together, but those moments when we were
alone, like when he used to read to me, in just those simple moments I knew he loved
me so much that he would have done anything for me.
“When I think about it, we didn’t have much in common and very rarely had proper
conversations, until the nightly chats began. Maybe that was because he still saw me
as a kid, I don’t know, but in any other circumstances we probably wouldn’t have been
friends or even talked. There was nothing really there between us to keep us
together. But because we’re brothers we just loved each other. We were always there
for each other. And you know in the back of your mind that if you ever needed your
brother, wherever he was in the world, he would find a way to get back to you and be
“Just look at Scott and Colt. They didn’t always get along with Chase or Trevor.
Sometimes they felt like they wanted to do nothing more than beat the holy hell out
of the little shits. But at the end of the day they could never bring themselves to
do it because they’re brothers, and through all the ups and downs, through all the
annoying behaviour and little fights, you love each other in a way that is so hard to
even put in to words.”
I was so moved by Kris’ words and could only nod my head. I found myself thinking
about what it would be like to actually have a blood brother, but as those thoughts
were going through my mind, Kris spoke again.
“It’s similar with parents, like you’ve experienced with Larry. Even when you want to
hate them, there’s just something inside you that can’t. You’re drawn to them and you
will always love them in your own way.”
I nodded. “Yes.”
“That brings me to you, Matthew. I am proud to call you my brother. You’re not my
brother by blood, and you will never replace Nathan, but you are my brother by
choice. You see, with you I have found someone for whom I have that same kind of
unconditional love, but it isn’t programmed in like it was with Nathan. With us, I
don’t know if it’s occurred naturally, or if we’ve built upon it, but I can honestly
say that I love you with all of my being. There will never be anything you can do,
anything you can say, that will stop me from loving you. You’re a part of me now,
Matthew, and you always will be. Whoever you end up with, and I hope that’s Corey,
whoever I end up with, no matter where our lives may take us, no matter where we
live, what we do, none of it matters, because I will always love you, and any time
that you need me I will come running to you. I will drop everything and I will be by
“We are more than blood, Matthew. We are best friends of the greatest kind. I may
have more in common with someone like Colt, but with you, I don’t know, it’s like you
complete me. Whatever flaws I have, whatever traits I’m missing when I’m on my own,
it all gets balanced out when I’m with you. It’s like I’m not whole unless you’re
around. You make my life better and I can never see a day when you’re not in my life.
It doesn’t even bare thinking about.”
Tears were flowing down my face now, but they were tears of joy. What Kris had just
said to me touched me in a way I don’t think I’ve ever felt before.
“I feel exactly the same way, Kristopher. I love you so much.”
I leaned over and pressed my lips against Kris’s. It wasn’t a romantic or passionate
kiss, there were no open mouths, it was just a kiss between two people who love each
other and never want to let go. I wrapped my arms around him and gave him the
strongest hug I could muster, which was returned with just as much enthusiasm.
We stayed in the hug as Kris pulled me down so that I was in his strong arms and my
head was resting on his firm chest. I don’t know how long we stayed like that but it
was a long time. We just held on to each other, the only sound in the room was that
of our breathing.
“Matt?” Kris asked softly as if he thought I might be asleep.
I moved my head to look up at him. “Yes?”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Of course you can, you don’t even have to ask.”
Kris hesitated for a moment, clearly trying to think of how to word his question
before he spoke. He reached down and touched the ring on my finger that Corey had
given me earlier in the night.
“Is Corey the one?” Kris asked. “Is he your soul mate? Your true love?”
“Yes.” I said without even having to think about it for a second. I looked down at
the ring as Kris still played with it. “I knew he was the one when I drove back in
the middle of the night to be with him. I wouldn’t have done that if he wasn’t.”
“I kind of figured that. Things have been pretty good between you ever since then.”
“I think that’s the night we both realized that we want to be together for the long
haul. It’s not just some college thing that we’ll get over. We’re in love. Corey and
I were meant to be together and I truly believe that, Kris. The love I share with you
is amazing and I cherish it, I really do, but I share a different love with Corey
that is just as strong, maybe even a little stronger. I love him with every fiber of
my being and now that I’ve found him I never want to let him go. I see myself having
a life with him, living together, marrying him if we can go somewhere that allows
that, having a family together, however that comes about. When I think or dream about
my future, every single time, Corey is the man I’m with.”
Kris smiled. “I’m glad to hear that, Matt, I really am. All I want is for you to be
“I am, Kris. Even with everything that’s going on right now, with how bad I feel
about my dad, I am so happy to be with Corey and I can’t tell you how good it feels
to wear this ring on my finger and know that he feels the same way about me. He’s
everything to me.”
“And you’re not worried about your future with him now then?” Kris asked seriously.
“Not any more, no. I won’t lie, Kris, when he cheated on me it didn’t just break my
heart, it felt like he ripped my heart right out of my chest, threw it on the floor
and started stamping on it. It was the worst pain I ever felt. I never thought I’d
get over that, but my love for him was too strong and I gave him a second chance.
It’s the best thing I’ve ever done.”
“And you trust him completely?”
“Yes. I wouldn’t have sex with someone without condoms who I didn’t trust completely.
I trust him with my life, Kris.”
“That is a pretty big show of trust and faith. I’ve never really even thought of
“Never really?” I asked intrigued.
“Well, Colt and I discussed it one night. It was after we saw you and Corey fucking
bare. We wondered what it felt like but we’ve always been terrified to try it with a
girl in case we got her pregnant. Then the talk turned to maybe going bareback with
each other, just to experience it once, but we thought it was too big a risk, even
though we’re always safe whenever we fuck around with anyone.”
“And that was the end of the discussion?”
“Yes. We’ve never mentioned it since. I’d still like to try it, but I guess I’ll just
wait until my wedding night and then we can start trying for baby.”
“Just what the world needs, another Kris!” I said giggling.
Kris tickled me until I was crying with laughter and then he let me go.
“So what does it feel like?” he asked.
“What does what feel like?”
“Fucking someone without a condom.”
“Amazing. The first time you do it, it really blows your mind. The friction is so
much better and it’s like your senses are heightened. But as good as the physical
feelings are, it’s the emotional side of things that tops it all.”
“It’s the build-up and then the commitment involved that makes it so special. Corey
and I had been together for about five months before we decided to try sex without a
condom, but it was a big deal. It wasn’t something we took lightly. We talked about
it for a while and then we went and we had all of the tests and everything done. We
both knew we were clean and safe but even so we didn’t want to risk it, so we got
checked and when we finally received the all clear we were pretty much good to go.
“Even then though you start to have your doubts and it wasn’t until we were away for
Valentine’s Day and I knew that I loved Corey that I actually really considered it.
When the time came I was so nervous and so was he. That first contact of skin on skin
was electrifying. But even more so was when we actually got inside each other and
started making love. You know from having a guy inside you that you get that warm
feeling when you’re giving yourself up to a guy you really like.”
“Yeah, it’s a special feeling.”
“Well imagine that feeling and times it by a thousand. Giving yourself up to a guy
without a condom is like the ultimate step. It’s the thing that finally joins you.
You may have had sex before but when you feel the man you love inside you, his skin
on yours, when you feel that love and that trust that you have in him penetrating
your body and your soul, it is beyond words, Kris. In that moment it’s like you merge
in to one being and you cease to exist separately. And then when the end comes and
you feel his sperm, his life force, being delivered in to you, there is nothing so
intimate, so consuming. You belong to each other then and you know as you look in to
each other’s eyes that you were meant to be. It was magical, Kris.”
I wiped a tear from my eye and saw a beautiful smile on Kris’s face.
“I guess it’s irrelevant really, but I guess you’re confident that he’ll never cheat
on you again?”
“I am. He’s had plenty of chances to be with other guys, Kris. He’s told me about
guys are Rec who’ve wanted to sleep with him. He could have been fucking Colt the
entire time they were over there rooming together, but they only swapped the
occasional hand job or blow job. He’s the one who’s let me fuck you, he let me fuck
Colt, and he’s never asked that I let him do anything like that in return. He’s shown
me that he loves me and what he will give up to keep me and make me happy. Now I’m
ready to do those things with him and this ring symbolizes not only our love and
commitment to each other but the true start of our life together as a couple, just
Corey and Matt.”
Kris had a huge smile on his face hearing me talk so lovingly about Corey. I meant
every word and I knew Kris could see and hear that.
“Does that mean I’ll never get another chance to be with you?” Kris asked.
I looked at him and studied his expression. He was serious.
“Do you want to be with me again?”
“Yes,” Kris replied without even thinking.
“Yes. Ever since I’ve started thinking about gay sex and even more so when I started
having it, I always imagined that one day you and I would get the chance to just
spend one night together.”
“We got that chance last semester, Kris.”
“You mean when you fucked me?”
“I guess. And that was amazing, Matt, truly amazing. It blew my mind. But after that
I started thinking about returning the favor and about how I might one day get to,
not fuck you, but make love to you, to show you how much you mean to me in the
greatest physical way.”
“You got to fuck me though.”
“Yes, but like I said before, it wasn’t how I ever pictured that happening, and I
guess in a way I still want a chance to make love to you, just once, before you
settle down with Corey and I hopefully find myself a girl I want to marry and have
kids with. It would be like the end to our experimentation.”
“I can see that, Kris, but I can’t see it happening without Corey.”
“What about you and Colt?” I asked.
“What about us?”
“Are you through?”
“You mean have we stopped fucking around?”
“No. We haven’t. Who knows if or when we’ll have sex again, but, we both know that we
would never work as lovers so it’s best that we just continue on as friends with
benefits or however you want to categorize it.”
“And there’s no other guy you’d think about being with?”
“I’d fuck other guys.”
“But would you date one?”
“Really? You were thinking about dating Jordy.”
“That was a mistake.”
“I was attracted to Jordy, so it wasn’t a lie that I would have loved to have slept
with him, and I do like spending time with him, but I came to realize that it just
wouldn’t have been right.”
“And that has nothing to do with him turning you down?”
“No. I mean, everything became clear to me when he turned me down, but it wasn’t because
he turned me down. When we spoke and I told him what I was feeling he tried to explain to
me using sign language but I didn’t understand it all so we started texting each other and
he basically explained why it wouldn’t work and that while my heart might be in the right
place there could never be a future with us because we’re too different.
“When he said that, I knew he was right. You know how I am, Matt. It’s like I’m drawn to
people who are less fortunate than I am. I want to give them something to smile about, I
want to make them feel better, and I think that is what I was doing with Jordy. It wasn’t
that I wanted to be with him, it was more that I wanted him to feel good.”
“I kind of thought that at the time, Kris. Did the whole thing with Jordy sort your head
out about guys then?”
“Pretty much. I thought about it a lot afterwards.”
“I realized that the only guy I could ever see myself being anything more than friends
with would be Colt.”
That shocked me. I sat up and looked Kris straight in the eyes. “For real?”
“Yes, Matt. Colt and I have so much in common. We gel so well together. I don’t think I’ll
ever find a better match for my personality. He really is a best friend now and I love him
more than I ever thought I would.”
“It wouldn’t work with him. Not as lovers. We’ll be best friends for the rest of our
lives, I’m sure of that. We’ll meet up for drinks, Super Bowl Sundays, that kind of thing.
Maybe we’ll both get married and we can go to each other’s house for dinner. Our kids can
play together and become friends, but we both know that as much as we love each other and
as amazing as the sex between us is, and it is really amazing, Matt, whether we’re just
fucking each other or if we’re making love, we’ll never be more than friends.”
“So that’s it with you and men?”
“Relationship wise, yes. If it won’t work with Colt, and it won’t work with you, I know it
won’t work with any guy, ever. There’ll never be two men more perfect for me than you
“So are you straight again now?”
“No. I don’t think I’ll ever be straight again now that I’ve experienced men, especially
men I have deep feelings for, so I will always be bi and I’ll always have those urges and
feelings. If you’re asking if I’ll end up leading a straight life, then the answer to that
is yes. I will get married and be faithful to whoever I take those vows to and that will
“Do you think Megan is that person?”
“I have no idea. It’s too early to say anything about her. I do really like her, Matt, and
we get along really well, but you just never know how things are going to play out. I
thought it would last with Melissa and then with Liz, but both times it fell apart.”
“That doesn’t mean this one will.”
“No, I know that, but I’m going to take it slowly. I need to be sure that I’ve found the
one, like you have with Corey, and when I do, I’m not letting her go.”
“I’m so happy to hear that Kris. That’s the future I’ve always seen for you.”
“And you see yours with Corey?”
“And am I there?”
“What? Of course you are.”
“I know it’s stupid but I guess I know how you felt coming to college when you thought I
would dump you when I found something better. You’ve found the man for you and now you can
leave me behind. Most of the important people in my life leave me.”
I pulled Kris into a hug and kissed him on the lips.
“I’ll never find a better friend that you, Kris, and I’m never letting you go or going
anywhere. Corey may be the man I’m going to spend the rest of my life with as my lover.
But like we said earlier, you’re the man I’m going to spend the rest of my life with as my
brother. It’s real, unconditional love that will never go away. We’ve had fights and come
through them and we’ll overcome anything that comes our way in the future, together.”
Kris smiled and kissed me again before he lay down and took me with him, once again
holding me so my back was to his chest.
It was around four in the morning, neither of us felt like sleeping, in fact I was
surprised we talked all night. The conversation moved to spring break coming up; Kris was
looking forward to it. The nude beach is the best part of the break for him. He moved
around, and started tracing my abs, eventually moving his hand around my trimmed pubes.
All the while we chatted about Kris’s plan to have Corey fuck me in classroom, I was
thinking about how far we came. I remembered the early days of our friendship it was the
first night I stayed at Kris’s house that I saw his dick for the first time, I laughed at
how small it was. He towel whipped me. Then, when we moved to college, Kris loved showing
off his body to me. I have to admit, his dick grew since a whole inch.
“You know you dick grew?” I mentioned. Typical Kris he nearly knocked me off the Mattress
to grab and rule and check for himself.”
“Yeah it did: 7.5 inches,” He exclaimed, looking like a kid at Christmas. Then he threw me
the ruler and I was the same 8.3 inches.
He went to use the bathroom and I laid their thinking about the future. Corey and I living
in some gorgeous mansion; Kris having his own wing with his family, and every weekend some
of our friends drop by.
“Sure Corey an I would have our fights..” I mentioned out loud.
“You sure do.” Kris said, thinking I was talking to him. He passed me some water and I
drank, as he teased me about how I forced him to study.
“I was right Kris.” I told him. “If it wasn’t for me most of us wouldn’t be having some
wonderful grades this semester.”
“I am just lucky, I have a genius as a friend.” He thought for a minute sitting on the
desk chair, eating a power bar. I waited for him to speak, but he kept quiet.”
“For god sakes Kris, don’t make me tackle you to ground for you to open up to me.”
Remembering how I forced Kris to tell me what happened to Nathan when got from our first
Christmas trip in High School.
“You couldn’t take me Matt. I was just thinking if only that discussion about us studying
happened early. Then Jess wouldn’t have left.”
“I still can’t believe what has happened to him this year. Scott mentioned Jess has made
full recovery from the attack, but now walks with a limp and permanent bruise on the
Kris came back over the mattress and hugged me. The tears were still rolling in my eyes,
Jess predicament and mine: it sucks.”
“Matt don’t worry, I won’t let that happen to you. I don’t care who it is, nobody hurts
you…but me.” And he playfully smacks me in the head. I laughed at that and tackled Kris to
the ground. We stopped, and stayed on the floor for a bit to catch our breath.
We finally got up and went back the air mattress, Kris held me in his arms again.
“Kristopher, I love you.” I heard myself saying.
“I love you too Matthew.” He whispered back, I closed my eyes, not because I was tired,
but was at peace. Kris kissed the back of my neck.
“Matt?” He asked checking to see if I was still awake. “Does the walking help?”
I had to think for a few minutes to understand he was talking about the walks Corey and I
go on when we fight.
“Yeah, they do?” I hated that they had to happen, but I have come accept that with a love
like ours, a fight is bound to happen from time to time. “When Corey and I go out and
walk; we fix the problem, we are having.”
“But you guys still fight on small things and what not. Wouldn’t walk and talks, stop them
“Nah, I don’t think so Kris. Corey and I are bound to have fights, arguments and
disagreements. Just like you and I do. This way, to use a cliché, we don’t got to be
angry.” I paused and sensed he was getting it.
“I can understand that bro. With my temper, although the techniques I was given have been
helping; it will never go away indefinitely.”
“Yep, but we love you all the same, and I wouldn’t be surprised if you blow your top soon;
Kris, it is better to let it out and then keep it in.”
“So true,” he said, as I turned to face my best friend. I looked over and there on the
desk was the photo Kris and I took the first day we arrived at College.
“Do you remember that stupid bet we set last year?”
He chuckled at the memory. “Yeah, it was probably the best bet we made. It worked out
“I will say, you helped me make the best friends I could ever have because of it.” I
smiled at his beautiful face.”
“And you made me become student with great grades.” He smiled. “But we made another bet
“Fuck!” I swore. “I forgot all about that.”
“I sleep with a guy and you sleep with a girl. I fulfilled my end of the bargain. Corey,
Colt, Scott, you, and Brennan”
“Yeah, I know. I will be honest. I am curious what it would be like to be with a girl.
Just a little bit.”
“Really...” His face lit up.
“Yeah, it would have to be right person.”
Kris stayed silent for a bit, and I know he was thinking of who he could arrange for me. I
felt tired slightly and turned back around and closed by eyes. Kris put his arms back
around me, he turned my head and kissed me on the lips.
After the kiss, he said. “Thanks.”
“This chat was the best birthday present you could give me. We talked all night.”
“Yeah, I guess. Still sucks, I forgot your birthday though.”
Kris whispered again, “Bro, in all the action over last few days, I forgot all about it
too. It was until Mom and Dad called me that I remembered it.”
“I have an idea.” I said suddenly. “Let’s get some breakfast just you and me.”
“Do I have to put on clothes?” Kris asked, liking the suggestion. It was almost 7 am. So,
we got dressed and drove to small breakfast joint off campus I saw before. On the way, I
told Kris of the promise I made to myself. “I would be at Dad’s side every chance I could
no matter what was going on here.”
Big thanks to Big 'D' and Andy for this fine work. They did this after reading Chapter 69
of the main story and did it on their own. It was exactly how I imagined it would be the
night after Matt received the news about his dad and Corey's gift.
Your Comments are welcome as always!!