Posted:   January 29, 2011

To start my Sunday here in December, I headed down to do some laundry and have it done before finals began here on Thursday with Wednesday being ‘dead day’.  I was nice and threw in Kris’s towels along with mine even though he still had a lot of laundry left.  While doing laundry, I did carry my laptop down and studied for some tests.  I got a call from Dad wanting us to meet at his house for an early Christmas.  I told him Tuesday night would be best for me.  He agreed and gave me directions.  Basically, all I needed was an address and my phone would take care of the rest. 

For a Sunday, it was relatively quiet and relaxed around the dorm other than retelling stories from our night out.  There were some really funny moments with us mocking each other’s dance moves.  After Corey got off work, he and I headed to grab something to eat together.  It was nice just the two of us and made eating that much faster.  He did come back to the room for a little while but didn’t stay that long.

Monday’s first two classes were basic preparations for the upcoming finals.  I ate lunch as usual with Kris and Jess before heading off to my art appreciation class.  I entered the class looking for Hayden but didn’t see him.  Instead, I sat next to Reilly.

“Tell me about Scott.  He’s really hot, Matt,” Reilly stated before class started.

“Well… he was Hayden’s boyfriend until Friday,” I stated.

“Is Hayden stupid or what?”

“I don’t know.  I was hoping to talk to him in here.  Scott’s a really good guy all in all.  He’s like everyone else and has his bad points…”

“One damn sure wouldn’t be that body of his,” Reilly said. “I love that swimmer’s body he possesses. What a huge turn-on!”

“He does like to swim and swam in high school,” I said and saw Hayden come in the door.  He sat on the opposite side of the room from us.

“You think maybe I could get his number from ya?” Reilly asked.

“Well… I give him yours since I still have it.  He may not be ready to be involved again this quickly,” I replied.  I didn’t like giving out my friends numbers.  I didn’t want Scott to get pissed if Reilly called him.

“Hey, you know me, Matt,” Reilly laughed.

I smiled with the professor starting his review and returning out grades for our papers.  I held my breath and did score well with a nice hand written compliment at the top. 

After class ended, I bolted from my chair with intentions of catching Hayden.  I got him going out of the building and about leveled a girl trying to catch him.

“Are you running from me?” I asked.

“No Matt, I’m not. I don’t have much to say,” Hayden replied.

“Scott was heartbroken, Hayden,” I said while we walked.

“I’m sorry he is but I need to move on in my life,” Hayden stated.


“You know why, Matt.”

“Is it because you were afraid he’d break up with you first?” I asked.

“A little of it plus I didn’t want to hold him back on your ski trip,” Hayden said. “Matt, I was actually bored of him.”

“Alright then,” I said.  “I don’t get the bored thing though.”

“Dude, I want to see what else is out there and not be tied down to one guy.  It was fun while it lasted.  Matt, thanks for everything you’ve done.  I really had a great time with all the guys but…” Hayden stopped with tears running down his face.  “I guess… that’s over with… now.”

We found a bench and took a seat with Reilly passing us by.  “Hayden, is there another reason?”

Hayden wiped his eyes and looked at me. “Matt, my parents don’t know I’m gay.”


“I’ve been making shit up, basically lying to everyone that they knew.  They would die if they knew I was gay.”

“I think I’m beginning to see the reason now.  You’re afraid you’ll slip up and tell them about Scott.”

“I’ve told them about Scott but that he is just a good friend,” Hayden said.

“You know Scott’s not going to be very happy since you were the reason he told his parents.”

“Matt, please don’t tell him.  I really do like Scott a lot.  Maybe over the Christmas break I’ll man up and confess.  My parents are very religious with my Dad a deacon in the church.  It will kill them but it is something I should do one day but I don’t when that day will be just yet.”

“Now I see the picture, Hayden.  I’m sorry but that’s not much help.  Maybe you should confess your troubles to Scott and see what he says other than just running away from them.”

“I might when the new semester begins.  Please don’t tell Scott.”

“Okay,” I said. “I won’t tell him. Besides, it’s not my place to tell him.”

Walking back to the dorm, I did feel for Hayden.  I knew I was very lucky to have Mom accept and love me after I told her.  I can’t imagine being in Hayden’s position and having to weave lie after lie to hide the truth.  It broke my heart for Hayden and could tell he was tormented by it.  Privately, he must have really struggled but he was able to be true to himself with and around us.

Back at the room, Kris was waiting on me to go to the Rec Center.  I changed in a hurry even though I really didn’t feel up to it.  We headed out and gathered Scott, Juan, Colt and Jess with Alex to meet us there.  Entering the Rec Center, I didn’t see Corey and continued to stow away my bag in a locker as did the others. 

“Hey Matt, did you talk to Hayden today?” Scott asked me coming out of the locker room.

“Yes, I did after class.”

“What did he say?”

“Other than he was bored and ready to move on that was about it,” I replied with a half truth.

“Bored my ass,” Scott stated.  “I don’t get him at all.  Never once did he complain he was bored with me.”

I shrugged, “That’s what he said.”

We continued on and did our scheduled work out for the day.  Kris, Alex, Jess and Colt did something called maxing out on the bench.  I watched for a minute before Scott and I headed off to do our thing.  Scott continued to ask me what else was said.  I held my ground and said it was short and sweet.

We showered in the locker room before heading back to the room.  I stayed in the room to study while Kris headed to see Liz.  Alone there, I debated on whether to give Scott Reilly’s number or wait to see how things panned out with Hayden.  It sucked being stuck in the middle and knowing all the facts of the situation.

That Monday night, I did get to spend a little time with Corey since I wasn’t sure how much of my time Dad would take up the following night.  We didn’t do much other than watch TV with Michael.  I left about eleven and headed back to my room.

Kris, Colt and Alex were kicked back and watching a movie Alex had brought over.  I played on my computer since I wasn’t able to concentrate on studying.  The two left about midnight.  I stripped down and headed off to bed with Kris doing the same for our nightly chat.

“Matt, do you know the real reason why Hayden broke up with Scott?” Kris asked to begin.

“Yes, I do but promised I’d keep quiet,” I replied.

“So he was fucking around on Scott,” Kris said. “That sorry…”

“No, he wasn’t, Kris,” I stated.

“Well then tell me what it was.”

After a short mind debate, I spoke up, “Promise this stays here.”

“I do,” Kris said and crossed his heart.

“Hayden… has been lieing to us about his parents knowing he was gay.   The real kicker here is they are religious.”

“That sucks… well I mean that he isn’t out but he could still be Scott’s boyfriend.”

“I think he did it so he wouldn’t open his mouth and out himself,” I said.

“Matt, is coming out that hard?”

“Kris, for some, it is extremely hard.  I imagine if Hayden were to get back with Scott it would still be hard and painful for everyone when he comes out.”

“I’m glad I’m straight and don’t have to deal with that,” Kris stated.

“I’m glad I’m out and don’t have to deal with it either now but it wasn’t easy for me though.”

“I remember how hard it was for you to tell me.  You just knew our friendship would be over…”

“You’re right there but I had to do it,” I said.

“Let me give you a small word of advice here with Corey.  Stop telling him not to spend money on you for Christmas…”

“Why?  I know he doesn’t have much.”

“Matt, he wants to do it.  You’re taking all the joy out of giving when you tell him not to give you much or nothing at all.  Let him be the judge.  Just admit you’d be very disappointed if he didn’t get you anything.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.  Thanks for telling me.  I’ll keep my mouth shut from now on.  I don’t even think about ruining his joy.”

We continued to talk for a little while longer until Kris was snoring in his bed. 

Tuesday, the last day of regular class, I was up before the alarm for some stupid reason.  I was ready early and ate the last of our snacks before Kris woke.  Classes were as boring as ever with the professors going over what we could expect on our finals.  Thankfully, out of my five finals, one was just a final test over what we had covered recently instead of the regular finals. 

Corey, Kris, Alex and I were back at the Rec Center.  Once there, I wondered why I even went but I knew why, Corey.  I didn’t do much other than watch them try to outdo each other.  With each passing day, I grew to like Alex as a friend and looked forward to him being on our floor next semester.  He fit right in with us and now was a big part of our group. 

Once we were done, Corey headed off to study.  By the way he told it, a few of his grades depended on his final exam.  I did offer my help if he needed it but he refused and went back to study on his own. 

About five, I headed out to Dad’s house with the hope I could find it.  He said it would take thirty minutes but it ended up taking closer to forty five.  I pulled in his driveway a little late to his rented house that didn’t look like much in the middle of nowhere.   Dad and Gloria were waiting for me when I knocked on the door with his gift in my hand. 

“Matt, I’m not much of a cook, so I hope chili will suffice,” Gloria stated.

“It’ll be just fine,” I said.

Dad and I sat to talk with Dad having a beer in his hand.  He offered me one but I refused saying I didn’t care for beer that much.  We sat and chatted about college before Gloria announced the chili was ready.  We sat at the dining room table with cheese and crackers to compliment the chili.  The first taste told me it was spicy yet very tasty.  I did remember how my Dad enjoyed his food spicy whereas Mom didn’t.  Gloria told me about her family, two girls and a boy with two grandkids already. 

Finished with the meal that left my mouth burning a little, we headed to the small cluttered living room.  Dad handed me a good size box while I handed over my gift bag.  He insisted I open my gift first.  I tore into the paper and opened the box to find a nice jacket.

“Matthew, I hope you can use that on your trip,” Dad stated.

“You bet I can,” I said with excitement.  “Thanks Dad I really do like.”  I tried it on and found the fit a little big but not so big I couldn’t wear it.

Dad reached over in the pocket.  “Here’s a little something extra, say for your birthday that is coming up too.”  My birthday is in a week and half while we are on the trip.  He pulled out two one hundred bills.

“I really appreciate that,” I said and gave him a big hug.

He opened his gift and took a quick smell of the cologne.  “I guess it will be better than Old Spice,” Dad laughed.

“Thanks Matthew.  He needed that,” Gloria laughed.

“Matthew, where’s Corey at or did you come to your senses?” Dad asked.

“He’s studying,” I said.  “Dad, you saw how nice he is.”

“Oh he was nice but I meant was did you come to your senses about this gay thing,” Dad stated. “I’m really disappointed about that, Matthew.”

“Dad, nothing can change that fact…”

“Oh I bet if I’d been around you wouldn’t have turned out that way.  Your mom babied you way too much and made you gay,” Dad said. “I knew that could happen.”

“If that is true Dad then there should be way more gay guys than there is today with all the single moms raising their sons,” I stated.

“Larry, he does have a good point there,” Gloria said to Dad.

“He’s justifying his lifestyle,” Dad commented. “Nobody really wants to be queer.”

“True Dad but I am,” I stated. “We can argue about it all night if you want but it won’t help matters.  I’m gay and have a great boyfriend who I love to death and who treats me so well.”

“Larry at least he’s not like Jeremy and has two kids by two different girls before he’s twenty years old,” Gloria said about her 20 year old son. “You should be proud of Matthew.  He said he makes very good grades.  He will have a great job someday if he continues.” 

You know I was starting to like Gloria more and more.  Maybe she was good for my dad.

“I am proud he makes good grades.  Even when he was young, he was very smart,” Dad stated. “I just wish he wasn’t gay, that’s all.  Is it hard on you, Matthew?”

“Dad, so far I’ve been very fortunate.  My roommate is so accepting as is Mom.   I know there are some out there that aren’t so lucky.”

“Damn right there, Matthew.  I guess I’m trying to be the father I never really have been and show a little concern for your welfare in life.  It’s a very cruel and nasty world we live in,” Dad said.

“Thanks, but I’m making it so far,” I said.

I stayed as well as I could before I said I needed to head back.  Gloria handed me a Ziploc bag full of Christmas cookies she had made to take back with me.  I told her they would be eaten by all my friends at the dorm.  I thanked them and hugged both before heading back to the campus.

After returning from Dad’s, my room had only Liz and Kris in it.  They were watching a movie together with Kris holding Liz close to him.  Kris said they had just started and insisted I invite Corey down.  He said we could call it couples night.  I called Corey and invited him down.  Quietly the four of us enjoyed the movie Kris had.  The strangest part of the night came when Kris suggested Corey sleep with me while he slept with Liz.  I didn’t mind at all.  Corey and Liz got a nice insight of our nightly chat.  Instead of it just being Kris and I, it was the four of us.  I told about my night at Dad’s house before we talked at random about anything that came up. 

When the last words were spoken, we turned out the light between the two beds.  I waited and expected to hear Kris’s bed rattling and Liz moaning.  Instead all I heard were lips smacking before both were sleep.  Corey and I did get in some lip time as well before we dosed off to sleep. 

Waking the next morning was odd since we didn’t have class.  I think I woke Corey up when I began moving around a little.  He grabbed and held on to me until I finally headed out to use the bathroom.  When I returned, Kris and Liz were awake as was Corey.  They were laughing about something.

“Matt, Liz was fucking amazed at your boner,” Kris said laughing.  “She said you really tented out those boxers.”

“Oh well, it’s part of life,” I stated and did my best to play it of but was embarrassed.

“Matt, it was impressive to say the least,” Liz stated.  “I might drop Kris here for one night to be with you.”

“I’d let you so Matt could experience a girl.  You know I think Liz might enjoy that big dick of yours,” Kris said.

“Then she’d never want you, Kris,” I laughed. “Right, Corey?”

“You never know,” Corey laughed.

Our ‘dead day’ was pretty much that around the dorm.  Everyone seemed rather quiet and actually studying for exams.  I felt a little pressure but knew my grades would be high unless I completely bombed them.  We tried to keep our routines like going working out and eating but other than Colt, Alex and Corey there weren’t many around for a change.

With finals, Corey’s schedule was very odd at the Rec Center.  He could work as much as he wanted or as little depending on his studying demands.  By Saturday night, most of us were mentally drained and needed a break.  Our ski buddies all gathered up with Kendall going over the plans.  It was a nice diversion from the tests.  A better one was that night when I did get to hook up with Corey in my room with Kris gone out with Liz. 

By Tuesday afternoon, I was officially complete with my exams.  It felt great having them behind me.  It gave me a full day to prepare my things for the trip.  Packing, I quickly realized I may freeze to death on the slopes since I really didn’t have that many winter things.  I did make a quick trip to buy what I thought were some needed things for the trip. 

Wednesday afternoon, we were all finished with our exams.  I stood in the parking lot and reflected on the great fortune I had encountered during my first semester.  I now vaguely remembered pulling into the lot and the nerves and apprehension accompanied with starting college. 

First there was Alex.  He came along the latest but had blended in so well with all of us.

Then there was Colt.  Colt had become Kris’s good friend despite a little tussle the two had.  He was the country athletic boy of our group.

Next was Jess.  Jess was great and had been so much fun to hang around with over the semester.  I blamed my short illness on him but it could have been anyone on campus.

Scott was standing next to Jess.  Scott and I had our thing one time and proved he liked guys more than he originally led us to believe.  So far, he had handled his break up with Hayden fairly well.  I continued to hold my ground and knew the reason.  Scott had grown into one of my best friends.  Honestly, if I hadn’t known Scott as well as I did at the time he wanted me, we may have been together.

Corey was there with me.  I loved Corey like I had never loved a guy before.  Sure it was rough but I’m glad I retreated.  Now, I couldn’t be any happier in my life.  We both leaned on each for support and cherished every minute we were together.  I could really see myself with him for the rest of my life.

Finally there was Kris.  I knew it was a risk agreeing to room with him even though we were best friends in high school.  You hear the horror stories like Colt and his roommate that come to school as friends yet become enemies by the end.  I owe everything to Kris.  He made me get out and be sociable when I would have been just as content sitting in the room.  Now, we were closer than I ever could imagine.  I doubt there were any secrets between us due to our nightly chats.  I do love Kris to death but as the brother I never had.  He was our glue and leader.

Kendall and Noel were there as well and the reason we could have this great experience as friends.  I do look forward to them moving up to our floor since both are really great guys.

“You ready to go, Matt?” Kris asked as excited as ever.

I smiled, “You bet I am!”


I hope as always you enjoyed this chapter. 
There will be a spring semester to follow after short break.  The break won't be that long. 
As I've wrote repeatedly, I do appreciate all the comments for each person who has taken the time to email me or comment in the boxes that provided at the end.  Without them, there definitely wouldn't be a second semester or a complete fall semester.  I've tried my best to make the story fun to read while keeping it as real as possible.  I know it's not perfect by any stretch of the imagination and continues to show there's room for improvement.