Posted:   November 18, 2010

The next morning after a night of sex with Scott, I woke and was alone to my surprise.  It took me a second to realize what happened only to see the huge stain Scott had left the night before. I lay in my bed trying to make sense of everything, not just the sex with Scott, the hard breakup with Corey but all of it.  I wasn’t totally sure what to make of last night other than it was sex that I may have used to help heal the wounds Corey had left.  Maybe I was trying to fool myself into thinking I was past Corey and ready to keep going in life. Maybe I was horny and that desperate for sex.  Here at college, it was easy to hide your deep feelings when everyone was joking around and cutting up.  Then again maybe there was something that was just starting between Scott and me.  It hit me that it was Scott I was dealing with and someone I knew pretty well and confessed to be bi.  Since he said he dropped me for a girl, the reverse could occur and I’d be right back to hurting again.  I wanted to slap myself though since there were tons of other worries here other than getting involved with some really fucked up guy.  I was here to be educated, thusly have a great future ahead of me in life.  It was now past 10, so I headed to shower with a big day looming with a night game at the stadium. 

I was no more back in my room and dressed when Kris walked in.  I could tell by his demeanor he had either had a rough night or a very long night, maybe both.  He slung off his clothes, down to his plaid boxers.

“I hope like hell you had a better night than I did,” Kris stated and didn’t seem too excited or was that tired.

“Ummm… not a lot went on actually,” I said, which was a complete lie but I wasn’t going to tell him about last night.

“I should have stayed here with you instead of going to that sorority deal.  You talk about boring and took forever.  To top it off, it was Liz’s time of the month and boy was she ever bitchy.  Jess wasn’t any better off and virtually pissed away his romance as well and showed his ass.  It ended up being Jess and I stuck in a hotel room without the girls,” Kris stated.

“Why didn’t you just come back here?” I asked.

“Jess had already paid for it.  We thought we could score at some beer or something,” Kris stated. “We even tried Vin’s house but had the door slammed in our face.”

“Look on the bright side, Kris.  At least you’re not hung over and can enjoy the game tonight,” I stated.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Kris said. “I think I may be dateless with Juan the only one heading to the game with a girl.  Matt, I’m not sure I wanna date anyone steady right now.  It would ruin the fun, somewhat.”

“There are plenty of girls here.  All you need to do is flash that smile and turn your charm,” I said to boast his confidence just as he done for me right after the tragedy.

“So you just stayed in the room all night?” Kris asked.

“Scott stopped by for a while. We played Street Fighter for a while,” I stated.

“Wow, you guys really went overboard,” Kris said as sarcastic as ever.

“Oh yeah, you know me, Mr. Party Animal,” I laughed.

“I know Scott though,” Kris laughed.

Kris and I found Jess and Scott to go get something to eat on campus.  I was a little shocked to see fans already filtering in and didn’t understand the magnitude of the game.  We ate quickly and headed back.  Scott said very little to me, which was fine with me for we both weren’t ready to be involved or the others to know, especially our roommates.

“What are the plans for tonight?” Scott asked on our return. “Kris, are your parents coming to the game and tailgate again?”

“Nah, as much as Dad wants to be here, he had to go into work today.  I was actually hoping they would come again but they promised they would be here next game.  Besides, I’m heading home next weekend,” Kris stated.

“That’s news to me.  When did you decide that?” I asked and was tad shocked.

“Last night basically.  Jess is leaving as well,” Kris stated. “Are you coming with me?”

“I might, depends on how things go this week,” I said.

We entered the dorm.  Kris lay on his bed and was out in a matter of minutes.  I quietly snuck down to Scott’s room.  I knocked on his door and found he was alone and lying on his bed.

“Hey, thanks for last night,” I stated.

“I still stand behind what I said and that was the best sex I’ve ever had,” Scott said.  He kissed me.

“What time did you leave?” I asked.

“Oh about 4 this morning.  These damn single beds with two guys in them are so uncomfortable,” Scott said.  “Are you going home next weekend with Kris?”

“I dunno know.  Are you?” I asked.

“I need too and would be as good of weekend as any with the football team having a bye week,” Scott said.

“Huh?” I asked, confused.

“They don’t play, home or away,” Scott said. “Surely you know what a bye means.”

“No, sorry for being ignorant of these football terms,” I said. “I’m just now getting to know what the meaning of first down is.”

“That’s cool,” Scott said and laughed.  “Another game?” he asked pointed to his PS3.

“Sure,” I replied and took the controller.

We played Street Fighter until we were interrupted by Juan coming in the door.  He had a big smile and for good reason.  He found a girl who liked sex as much as he did and had to go into great details about it including this morning.  I had some great friends but naturally at 18, except for Juan who was 19, aren’t most college guys after sex or at least making an effort to be sexual?

About 5:30, we all headed up to the stadium.  I still wasn’t able to grasp the significance of it since I didn’t keep up with football other than knowing what our team record was.  The crowd was pumped and noisy at the start and stayed that way until we got our heart broke with the opponents scoring on a last minute drive to win the game.  I was disappointed somewhat but didn’t let it get to me like a lot of the people around including my group of friends.  They bitched and moaned the entire hike back to the dorm. I just listened and occasionally laughed at their stupid comments.

We surprisingly went our separate ways back at the dorm.  Even after a tough loss, I expected everyone to be jovial but it was the exact opposite.

“My weekend has really sucked ass, Matt.  Not shit has went right the entire time,” Kris said, now back in our room.

“It happens,” I said and grabbed my books to study since it was rather quiet for a change.  I studied an hour or more before joining Kris to watch television.  He was watching some movie that I had seen numerous times but still found it to be funny.

For a Saturday night, we were asleep by 1 and didn’t have our usual chat. Not having our usual talk was the biggest disappointment to me for the night.

The next morning I woke around 9.  I knew Kris’s tendency to sleep late and left him there while I headed out across campus to find food.

Now more than I was out the door, I heard a far too familiar voice.  I shut my eyes and tried to avoid Corey.

“At least say something, Matt,” Corey caught up to me.

“I honestly have nothing to say,” I replied and looked straight ahead.

“After two weeks, you’re still mad?” he asked.

“Corey, I accept what you did.  I have moved on and it is in the past,” I stated rather pompously I must admit.

“Can we be friends?” he asked.  “I miss hanging out with all the guys.”

I stopped and looked at him, “Friends don’t betray each other like you did me, especially boyfriends who said they loved each other.”

“You said you’ve moved on.”

“I have but that doesn’t mean we have to be friends.  I thought you had a new friend.”

“Ummm… not anymore.  I was sort of hoping…”

“Keep hoping.”

“Damn, you’re an unforgiving little ass,” Corey said.

“I am.  I can forgive certain things but not what you did,” I started strongly, walking again.

“We had something special, Matt.  Can’t we try again?”

“Had is the key word there.  You’re welcome to hang out and I definitely can’t stop you from doing that.”  All he was doing was starting to piss me off but I tried to act a little civil, though I shouldn’t.

“You’ve turned them against me, how can I?”

“No, you did it to yourself,” I stated and entered the union. “You might try apologizing to them since you did nothing to them but as for me, right now, I’m not the least bit interested.”

“Interested in getting back together or being friends?”

I walked up to the counter and order a large cup of coffee to get me going.  “Neither at this moment. You know Corey, you’re one brave… guy.” I wanted to say more but now wasn’t the time or place.  Boy did I ever want to string a full hour of cuss words at him but I did want to show him I was better than that.

“I see this is going nowhere,” Corey said. “Thanks anyway.”

I was wondering when he was going to get the message.  All his little talk did was stir up deep emotions.  Every time I think about his betrayal I get so pissed.  I did nothing to warrant it other than thinking I could surprise him with an early visit.  I waited for my coffee to cool and saw him walking straight back towards me.  He put down his tray of food without having the manners to ask.

“Matt, first off, I sincerely apologize to you.  I’m not doing this to get back with you.  All I want is for us to be friends. I would like for you to hear my side of the story,” Corey said.

“Corey, I said I’m not interested at this moment.  I don’t want to hear it, alright?” I said and started to move.

“Damn you, Matt!  You’re such an asshole!” Corey stated loudly. Other students were staring hard at us.  Now I didn’t see a need in moving since he got up from the table and stormed out of union in rage.  

After eating, I made a short walk around the vacated campus.  I found a bench under a tree.  I didn’t want to cry but my emotions took over.

“You okay?” a stranger asked.

I nodded with her walking away.  She did look back but continued along her way.  I was beginning to think Corey got his kicks out of bringing back old memories and playing with my emotions.  He was just hard headed enough or desperate to continuing pursuing me.

I headed back to the room.  I opened the door to find Corey sitting on my bed and chatting with Kris.

“I’ll see ya around, Kris,” Corey said.  I moved out his way, looked in the other direction and waited for him to leave.

Kris looked at me while I jumped on the bed.  “I see he came by to apologize to you.”

“He did and told me everything that happened at least just then and a little about his reason,” Kris said.  “Matt, are you that hard headed you won’t even listen to the guy?”

“Matter of fact, I am and deeply hurt just by seeing him,” I stated.

“Dude, I know you’re hurt…”

“Damn right I am,” I said.

“First off, will it kill you if he and I are friends?” Kris said.

“I can’t stop you.  He fucked me over not you,” I replied.

“Matt, haven’t you ever fucked around on a guy or just flirted with a guy even though you had a boyfriend?”

“No Kris, I haven’t… well, maybe flirted with a cute guy but I knew he was off limits.  Corey did way more than flirt,” I replied. “Why have you?”

“I’ve made out with a few girls but never went as far as fucking them… hold on, I did let this girl suck my dick when I had a girlfriend once,” Kris laughed.  I’m glad he thought it was funny. “Matt, dating isn’t perfect nor is marriages for that matter.  Guys mess around and are forgiven, sometimes.  Were you really in love with him?”

“Yes, I was and guess that why it hurt so much,” I stated.  “Kris, I considered myself lucky to even have a boyfriend.  So the thought of messing around on them never really crossed my mind.”

“We’re all different, right or wrong, Matt.  The least you could do would be hear his side of the story and get his reason, though something tells me no matter what you won’t accept it.  Either way, Corey is really considering dropping out and heading home.  He’s about ready to say fuck it and leave if you make it hell on him to have friends around here.  Imagine that if it were you and we had all turned against you for one mistake.”

I sat there a few minutes, “Yeah Kris, I don’t want him to leave because of me.  That wouldn’t be right at all.”

“You’re damn right it wouldn’t be.  At least, make it sound like you’re okay with being friends.  You can always find an excuse to be elsewhere when you know he’ll be around.”

“I guess I do need to do a little damage control,” I said.  I stood and left behind my pride and hurt for the time being.  I marched down the hall until Corey popped out of Jess’ room.  He gave me the same treatment as I had him, ignoring me for a minute.

“Corey, can I have minute of your time?” I asked him.

“I guess so, Matt,” he replied, quietly and seemed down.

“Let’s head to your room for just a second,” I said.  We headed that way with Michael there.  I didn’t want him there so I suggested we find somewhere quiet.  We found somewhere just on the other side of our dorm that was blocked from view.

“What’s so important that you need to drag me out here?” he asked.

“Corey, Kris told me that you were considering dropping out because of me…”

“He was right.  Maybe this week if things don’t get better.  I’m miserable here.”

“Please don’t, Corey.  If nothing else, I don’t want you to leave on my behalf.  That’s totally wrong.  Think of all the money just going straight down the drain.”

“Matt, I need friends.  I would like for us to be friend if we can’t be boyfriends,” Corey said. “You’ve turned the others on me but I am making a little progress there.”

“Corey, I’m still very bitter…”

Tell me something I didn’t know.”

“I will do my best to be friends with you and not stand in the way of the others being friends with you. I can’t promise it will happen overnight with us being civil with each other, talk and cut up like all of us do around here.  I’ll also help you get back with the others any way I can if apologizing doesn’t help matters.  Do you promise you won’t leave just yet and try?”

“I will and see how things shake out. You know Kris said he missed our competition in the weight room.  I do too.”

“Yeah, if you get Kris on your side, then the rest of them will follow in behind.  I don’t what it is about him but he does have that effect on others, more so here than ever before.  You know in high school, he was popular but nothing like here.  He was seen as just a likeable guy but here, he’s kicked up a notch.  I knew he was hyper but nothing like this.”

We talked a little more and were quite civil with each other.

“Are you ready to hear my side of the story?” Corey asked.

“Not yet, but maybe soon,” I replied.

“Okay then but there is some progress then I can see.  I’ll be waiting and ready whenever you are,” Corey smiled.  I smiled back and felt better knowing he wasn’t leaving.

We headed inside with me heading to my room and Corey stopping off at Scott’s room.  I was alone and no telling where Kris had gone off to. I pulled out my books to see what I had to study for the day.  Right when I pulled out my art book, it hit me.  I had a test Monday and hadn’t even cracked a book.  I found a cell number of a friend Hayden I had made in class.  It seemed he was in the same boat as I was and had barely studied as well.  I grabbed my book and headed out the door to study.  The weather was definitely cooling down with black clouds all around even in the short time since I had come in.  By the time I reached his dorm, it had begun to drizzle. 

I reached his 4th floor dorm room and saw his dorm was like mine but newer with not many guys milling around and having fun.  I knocked on his door.  He answered it in sweats without a shirt, baring his surprisingly nice upper body for my eyes to see along with a little hair on his chest and down past his stomach.  He was dark with his hair hanging just over his ears and so thick. He wasn’t ripped like Kris or Corey but easy on my eyes to say the least.

I sat near him while he pulled out his book.  We quizzed each other over the areas to be covered in the test.

“You know when I signed up for this class, I wasn’t exactly expecting it to be hard,” Hayden stated.

“I know.  At least Dr. Smithson is cool about things,” I stated.

“Cool but different, huh?”

“Yeah but in a good way I suppose.  The first day when he blurted out shit and fuck, my system was in total shock.”

Hayden laughed, “Tell me about it.  That’s when I realized I was in college and not at my private school any longer.”

“In public schools, you hear a lot that a lot and even in my room now but not from the teachers,” I stated.

We kept studying until neither one of us could stand it any longer. 

“Matt, so how’s your roommate treating ya?” Hayden asked after we finished.

“Honestly, he was my best friend before we came and more so now.  Kris is the greatest guy and I have zero complaints.  How’s yours?”

“He’s cool but we’re so different.  He does his thing and I do mine, which isn’t a whole lot though,” Hayden said.

“Kris and I are together a lot but not always,” I said.

“What does your roommate think of you being gay?” Hayden asked. 

I almost fainted right there and wanted to leave even though I rarely denied it when someone was bold enough to ask. “How did you know?”

“Dude, you eye every guy just like I do.  It’s obvious you are plus exactly how many straight guys take art appreciation their freshman year.”

“Damn, I need my Gaydar in for repairs.  I had no idea you were,” I laughed and figured out he was as well.

“Matt, you’re not the obvious type that screams I am gay when you open your mouth or by your actions.  I watch guys look at other guys.  If they just glance and look away, then I don’t think they are.  You sometimes glue in on guys like the other day.  Your eyes were glued on that Reilly guy for a good 3 minutes.”

“I had no idea.  Thanks for pointing that out to me.  It’s not that I’m ashamed to be gay but I just don’t want my ass kicked by the wrong person.”

“I made that mistake this summer.  You talk about having to talk my way out of a total disaster.”

“I bet,” I said. “So does your roommate know?”

“Yeah, he knows but he’s not crazy about it. I didn’t want to tell but I did so we’d start on the right foot here.  I haven’t done anything in here with a guy yet to see how he really reacts,” Hayden said. “How’s your roommate take it?”

“He’s the first person I told when I came out in high school,” I said nonchalantly. “He’s straight as they come but doesn’t have any problem with me.  Actually he’s got my back and showed it once already.”

“That’s so awesome.  I can tell he’s really a great guy and never have met him.  So I take you have or have had a fling here?”

“Yeah but that’s over now,” I shook my dark long hair and gave me another reminder to get my hair at least trimmed.  “I could give you the entire rundown but we don’t have that much time left in a day.”

“I bet he was hot,” Hayden said.

“He was very hot but I wasn’t hot enough for him evidently,” I said.

“I think I know what you mean by that,” Hayden said.

“Hey, I hate to run but I need to get back,” I said.

“Sure stop by anytime.  I think we have a lot in common,” Hayden said.

“I will and feel free to stop by my dorm.  Everyone is great and very accepting,” I said.  I headed to the door.

“I will have to see how that is,” Hayden said. “I’m stuck here with some very homophobic assholes.”

I stopped and turned around.  “Tell you what.  If you want, follow me then.  If my friends are around, you can meet the greatest guys around plus they are very easy on the eyes too.”

“Hold on a second, I’ll go,” he smiled. “Let me throw on some jeans and a shirt.”

“Okay,” I stated.  He undressed there in front of me with his back to me.  He flashed his hot ass my way.  He threw on jeans, freeballing it, and then a long sleeved shirt.  He put on his shoes and we were gone. 

We walked briskly to my dorm under a light rain.  We took the stairs to my room.  I politely knocked just in case and opened the door.  Kris was there with Kendall and Scott in the room as well.

“We’re going to eat if you want to go,” Scott stated.

“Sure, I will,” I said. “This is Hayden, a guy I have in art class.”

My friends didn’t disappoint me and introduced themselves to him and were great to start out but I didn’t mention he was gay.  We headed out the door.  We stopped to get Juan and his girl, then Jess and Robert before grabbing Michael and Corey to the end the hall-wide parade. The parade didn’t stop just yet with Kendall and Noel from the first floor joining us. Everyone was nice to Hayden including Corey, but he was putting forth the effort to be back in everyone’s good graces.  We went across campus to find something to eat.

Once there, we pulled a few tables together.  I stayed back to hold our table along with Corey.

“I did what you said and things may be back to normal,” Corey stated.


“Are we friends now?”

“Don’t ask me that.  I said I’d try my hardest,” I replied and was serious if nothing else to keep him from leaving.

“Okay,” Corey said. “I can live with that, Matt.”

A few returned to where Corey and I could grab something from the burger area.  I threw down my basket of a hamburger and fries to be stuck next to Michael of all people.  We all chatted and did get loud at times with so many of us there. 

We finished and headed out. 

“Hey, you queer! God, what a faggot,” I heard someone yell but didn’t know who he was talking to.  I looked at Hayden and realized who that person was talking to.  Hayden was white as a ghost.


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