JESS’S JOURNEY PART 1 - LEAVING

This chapter takes place during Chapter 28, 29 and 30 of the Freshman Spring year. I hope you enjoy Jess’s journey.

Written by Andy... Posted:  Jan 22, 2012

I was sitting outside the administrator’s office. I had to make an appointment because my advisor wanted to discuss my future. When I received my 2.5 last semester, I thought I was doing okay. I just didn’t like studying. Hanging with Matt and Kris and all my friends was more exciting. This weekend the guys and I were going to this dorm daze event, some talent competition. It should be interesting. I really hope Kris goes up there and shows his stuff in the hottest man competition, but in my mind there is only one man who can fit that mold.

As I was thinking about the upcoming weekend the advisor called me in.
“Thank you for seeing Mr. Frampton,” she said.

“Your phone message sounded urgent.”  I responded.

She gestured to the seat across her desk, and I sat. “Jess, it is College policy to inform students who are performing below par. With your case, your marks are extremely troublesome and concerning. Last term, you seemed to make an effort with your studies, even garnering a B in one subject. Now, you have four F’s and a D, even if you were to write your final exams and score high 90s on those you will not be able to pass.”

The news was shocking to be heard so bluntly, ever since I came back from the break, I wanted to be with my friends and enjoy the college life, more than I want to study. I just thought I would squeeze by. That doesn’t seem to be the case.

“You GPA was at 2.5, but now it is at 1.5. In your program you need a minimum of 2.0 to stay here.”

“Wait! What are you saying?”  I never expected this notion.

“I am saying Jess, your GPA of 1.5 means you are below the probationary period. We will have to remove you from the program.”

I never thought my marks would ever become so low. I knew I wasn’t doing well by checking online periodically but to be told that I would have to leave the school because of my performance. This is just too much for me to handle. I got up and left. I ran out of the office, and just sat on the bench outside.

“I am a failure.” I said to nobody in particular.

I didn’t really know what to do, so I called my sister. Katie was always able to help me when I was down. Now, I need some guidance.

“Hello, “I heard, my older sister answer.

“Uh…Sis, it’s me.”

She could tell by the sound of my voice that something was wrong. “Jessie, what is it? Are you hurt?”

“No, Katie.” Ever since we were little she had been protective of me. “I just needed somebody to talk too.”  I told her what the advisor told me. “So... I don’t know what to do.”

“I don’t know Jessie. When you told me over Christmas how much fun these friends of yours were, I cautioned you not to lose sight of what you have going there. Your high school days were pretty bad. You ended up in four fights, joined that so-called gang and got those tattoos.”

“But I never thought I would have such good friends, I mean Kris and Corey just recently had this laugh out loud wrestling match in hallway and I had to tell our leader, Kris what I thespian was. You don’t know Kris. He is one special dude in so many ways it’s unreal.”

“I know, bro. You need to listen to me. If you don’t fucking fix this with your schooling, like that person said, you are going to fail and be kicked out. That is one conversation I wouldn’t be looking forward with our father, let alone our uncle. You know how bad things were and how much work dad and Uncle Joe put into to make sure me and you had a great life.”

“I am failure; I can’t believe how stupid I am.”

“Jessie, you are not stupid, you are one of the smartest brothers I have.”

“Katie, I am the only brother you have. I so fucking mad with myself.”

“We will get you through this.” She said supportingly.
 
“NO!! I fucked up, I need to fix this!” I yelled in return.

Katie began to speak, but I cut her off. “No, listen you been helping all my life I need to fix this! Goodbye.”

I can’t believe I hung up on her, but I did. I went to my car and was just to grab something to eat, when Scott came out of the blue, he was pulling out of his car.

“Hey, what’s up?” I asked.

“Nothing, bro. I just finished my workout with Matt, and was going for a smoke in the car, if you want to join me.”

I didn’t want Scott to know about my academic troubles; maybe a little marijuana would be just want the doctor ordered. Scott and I ran to his room, got the stuff and headed out to a spot Scott found. After some basic chitchat, I asked him a question with the drug kicking in.
“How are you and Hayden doing?”

“Honestly, I am not sure.  The arguing is over, but we are still talking.”

I looked Scott over and was little nervous asking this next question, but what do I got to lose.

“Do you ever think about our night at the ski trip?”

Scott took a long time to reply, but eventually he spoke. “Yeah, you were smoking hot as hell each and every time we fucked.”

“I thought maybe one day, if Hayden and you were over, we could try hooking up?”  I said eagerly “Matt and Corey are so much in love. Corey cheated on Matt and their relationship is stronger because of that I think that could be us.”

“You’re serious? I do admit that if things did end you would be my next choice.”

“There may be something between us, who knows. I think we should try. Think back to that night, we had so much passion.” I stated, leaned back and letting my nice biceps slow.

“I don’t know Jess.  I want to try to patch up things with Hayden though. I do love him.. Jess you do have to realize, that was fling, I do feel for you. You are one of the hottest guys I know. So, I would definitely try partner with you, if Hayden and I can’t make things work.”
 
With that I kissed him on the cheek, just to show him that it would be a welcoming opportunity. Scott got a text from Kris and went to go meet him. After driving me back, I went to chill with Bryson, Alex and Garrett. We really weren’t talking that much, that Garrett thought Alex should try for the hottest man competition.  I was starting to get hungry and a minute later Matt found us and we went to get some food off campus for a change.

After a bite, Robert and I got ready for the Dorm Daze Event, Robert kept asking me about the meeting with the advisor, but I avoided the question. I came to the conclusion; I didn’t want anybody knowing about my failure. There must be another way. Eventually, we made it down and Matt was holding our seats.

After a minute I asked the group at large. “Where‘s Kris?”

The Hottest Guy competition was awesome seeing all those guys, then Scott. On the stage was Scott in a tee and shorts.  Scott was all smiles while he walked.  Then music started.  Each contest did something very brief, dance or something comical.  Some came out of their shirts for us to see an array of bodies.  Body wise, Scott had great competition but with his swimmer body he could hold his own.   Scott was near the middle and stayed in his shorts but lost his shirt.  He gave a brief dance that showed his best features. I clapped the hardest when Scott came out of his shirt.  After some fun and games, we called it a night.

That night I jerked off to images of Scott doing evil things to me. I pictured that hot swimmers body covered in a fine layer of sweat as his muscles tightened with every thrust of his hips, sending his dick deep into me. I wanted him to pound my ass, to really fuck me and let me feel every inch of his uncut cock as he pummeled me into submission, just giving up my body to him and enjoying every minute of it. My cock throbbed so hard I thought it might pop off my body. I couldn't take it any longer. I wrapped my hand around my cock, the precum that was flowing out of the tip being more than enough to lube it and I started to jerk myself, slowly at first until I worked myself up into a rhythm.

As one hand was working my cock, running up and down the shaft and circling the head, trying to achieve maximum stimulation, the other slide down between my legs, and passed my balls until I could start working it into my ass. I didn't have the lube handy so I had used a little of my own precum to lube the finger and it slid right in. In my mind it was Scott's hot cock and I started furiously fucking myself with my fingers while stroking my cock so fast it was almost a blur. The images in my mind of Scott's hot body on top of mine, his hard dick sliding in and out of my ass as he leaned over to kiss me, probing both my ass and my mouth, along with the feelings in my body had me on edge and I could barely muffle the moan by biting my lip as I reached my climax and shot a massive load across my stomach and chest. I'm pretty sure my moaning woke Robert up but I didn't care because the whole thing just felt too good.
The next day, the fun and excitement of the event continued, but something else was on my mind. After finding out I was failing, I was far too ashamed to admit to all my friends I needed to withdraw.  I had done my very best to act as normal as possible when I was around the guys, during the tug of war, the obstacle course and the other events, I tried to laugh it up and be funny.   Thinking about all the great times we had had made it that much tougher.  I never expected to have this great group of friends with Kris leading the way.   When I was in high school, I was always the class clown, but that lead to being beaten up my first year. It was hard, I taught myself self-defense. I was a loner the first two years. I need to change, so thought back to first bad decision I made, and joined a gang and changed my image. Now in college, I met Kris and these guys and I was so happy, for them to realize I was failure. It won’t happen.  Throughout the entire day a new plan came into place.

I spotted Scott walking down the hall, before dinner.   “Hey wassup?” I asked.

“Just going to see Hayden,” Scott replied sharply back to me.

“Have fun,” I said and went to my room.  Yesterday, I had talked to Scott about the possibility of us trying to be a couple like Matt and Corey.   He thought I was joking and said he was going to try to patch things up for good with Hayden.  He said he still loved Hayden.  I disliked his answer. I kissed him, grasping at straws. Then Scott got a convents text and left. No, I need to do something about this, about Scott and his ‘commitment issues’.

I left my room with my keys and other stuff saying I was going to grab something to eat.  Instead, I walked around between our dorm and Hayden’s.  Pacing back and forward on the sidewalk, I knew this would be the best way to solve two issues once and for all.  I could beat the hell out of Scott and show him that I was the one that truly was for him along with having the perfect excuse for getting kicked out.  It could appear as though I left because of the fight not the fact I was failing.

While what seemed like hours, I waited with my stomach in knots.  Finally I spotted Scott in the distance and saw him walking my way.   I went to my car and looked around before getting out as part of my act.  I turned and saw him again walking my way.   Now Scott saw me.

“Did you fuck his ass?” I asked.

“No but what do you care?” Scott asked.

“Fucker, you are using him to make my ass jealous,” I yelled.

“Jess, are you fucking crazy? I told you I still loved Hayden.  Now back the fuck off!” Scott yelled back at me.

I pushed hard against his chest.  He moved back and wanted to run.   I tackled him and got him on the ground with a nice struggle.  “Bitch, you’re fucking with me!” I slammed my fist into his chest.

“Stop it, Jess!” Scott yelled.  He was trying to get up.  My knees had him pinned down.  I pushed his face into the ground and rubbed it on the grass.  I slapped him in the back of the head with now anger.  I was no longer acting and letting out some pent up anger.  I felt a strong tug from behind.

“What the fuck?” I heard Colt’s voice along with feeling his strength we had all gained thanks to Kris.

I got up and pushed away from Colt.   I couldn’t have planned it any better.  I jumped in my car.  Quickly I peeled out leaving the lot.  I can’t believe I did that. I fucked beat up my best friend, because I am failure. I fucked up at school, and now I fucked up Scott.

I drove a few blocks away got out of the car and kicked the tire. It hurt like hell.  I got back in and drove home, but I couldn’t go home. I was a coward. I parked few blocks away. On the way home, all I can thing about his how much Scott means to me as friend, and hurt him. Over stupid thing, It isn’t right. I am failing, I am lost my mind. I partied to hard. So, what solution did I come up with? Punch the living crap out of my friend. We always had open relationship, now it is shut.
My phone rang; I knew it would be one of the boys, the probably want to kill me now. There is no excuse for what I did. No matter what my circumstances, there is no reason ever to resort violence. When I joined that gang, I did horrible stuff because I could. Now, I am still doing horrible stuff with lame ass reasons.

I just never think it through. I am selfish person, I and take it out on the people who care about me. Now, in it makes sense, what I should have done. I should have talked to Scott about my problem. He will never forgive. Why would he? Who would? Matt would.  He forgave Corey. Scott isn’t Matt though.
 
I continued to drive home, thinking that I will now be an outcast, that I will be alone, and how much I fucked up. I finally entered my neighborhood and froze. I stopped the car and got out.

I slide down and sat next to my car, I started to cry, the emotional impact of what I did to Scott, got to me, and added to that I have nothing in life to show for. I have no future, no plan. I can’t believe it, what it has come to I rather be kicked out for fighting that admit the truth. I rather be labeled as fucked up, then step up to the plate and man up. I am such a fucking asshole.

I needed to face reality; I got up and went to my father. He answered the door and let me in. After a hug, he looked at me a new something was up.

“What is it son? Is something wrong?”  Although my father was always looking out for me I disappointed him so much. After the joining the gang, we stopped talking for a whole month. This conversation was going to be worse.

“Dad, something happened at school. I need your help.”

“What happened?” He said with concern. We sat down in the living room. 
“I met with my advisor yesterday, and she told me that my school marks were bad. So bad that have to withdraw from school.”

“JESS!! “ He yelled, “Why? You promised your mother and I, that you days of coasting through school were over. What made you throw away all the money we put forth towards your tuition?”

“It’s hard to say, Dad. I just am a failure. I tried first semester and things were going well.”

“2.5, is average, not well.” He said, he couldn’t look me in the eye anymore.

“Then I met Kris and his crew.” I tried to explain. “I told you about Kris. They are probably the best guys I ever met. Anyways, I wanted to spend more time with them.”

“So you let me get this straight. You spent more time getting drunk and having fun then studying. I don’t understand. I worked two jobs to support you in college. You promised you would do well, or try your best. And then you meet this Kris guy and join his group.”

It was obvious, my father was not at all happy with this news. He was beyond disappointed. He kept shaking his head.

Frank, my father, continued, “What am I going to tell you mother? I am so annoyed with you. What are you going to do about it?”

“I am going to withdraw, and come home. I fucked up, I need to fix this.” I said confidently.

“No you are not.” He said seriously. ”Son, I am happy that you are going to fix this but that is not a plan.”

“I don’t have a plan.”

“Jess, you never do. You come home and then what. Where are you going to stay, how are you going to make money? Are you going to go back to college? You need to know these things.”

“I know. Will you help me?” This was so hard for me to admit. I cannot believe this is happening. “I don’t know what I am going to do.” He got up and pushed towards the front door.

He said kindly, “Think about it son. When you have an answer call me back.”  I drove back to the campus, but I stayed away from the dorm. I don’t want to see anybody. So I got in the back seat and slept.
I tried to sleep, but knowing that I am on my own isn’t a comforting thought. I fell asleep, had this horrible nightmare that I was homeless on the street asking for money. I woke up and started writing. I wrote what I wanted to accomplish. I wanted to come back to college and be with my friends. I tried thinking, but my brain wasn’t working so took at out my computer and made an appointment with the advisor the next day to see if she could help.  There was an opening at noon the next day.

I tried to go back to sleep, but it was hard. My mind kept shifting to what I did to Scott. I took it out on him. I fucked up and then I hurt the one person I cared about. Scott and I were able to talk about anything. How do I repay him I beat him up? I am such a fuck up. I need to make things right with him. I had another nightmare, but didn’t wake up this time.

The next day, I went to meet with the advisor, after I went back to room for a shave and shower, making sure I didn’t see anybody.

“I am sorry, I ran out on you the other day. The shock of it all was overwhelming.”

“That is okay, Jess.” She reassured me, “Was there anything I can help you with?”

“Yeah, how can I come back here?”

“Well, you need to reapply and unfortunately, with your low GPA, you cannot reapply for another two years.”

I thought about it with the words sinking in my head, “I could still come back in another program.”

“Yes, but we would missed the registration date for upcoming school year. You would still have to wait a year.”

“I want to come back here. I need to fix what I did.”

“That is admirable goal, my question to you is. What is going to stop you from getting a low GPA a second time?”

“I need to obviously get organized and study harder.  I need to get my priorities in order.”

We spend the next hour coming up with a plan of attack. I called my father after I left the advisor.

“Dad, I know you’re still upset but I have a plan.”

“Go ahead I am listening.” Frank responded.

“I went to see the advisor again, and she was able to help me.  She even arranged me entrance to summer school near home that would help with organization, time management and studying skills. Also, she was able to enrol me in a local community junior college in basic one year general arts program. She made said having good grades in junior college will help me come back.”

“That is excellent. I knew that you could fix this problem on your own. I look forward to seeing you tonight. We can discuss where you will be staying when you get home.”

We hung up, and I was happy again. Now it was time to fix one more matter before I go home. I need to apologize to Scott.  The only I know who can help me talk to him is Kris.

I went back to the dorms and located Kris. He was having a nap in his shorts and displaying his incredible body that we all had worked so hard for.  There is one thing I was taking away for this other than great memories was a body I was so proud of and proud to be seen without a shirt or pants.

“Kris, are you awake?” I asked.

“Jess, I really don’t want to talk you now.”

“I am sorry. Dude, I royally fucked up!”

Kris looked up at me. “I think you are apologizing to the wrong guy. And you should feel sorry, I don’t care what Scott said to you. There was no reason for you to jump him like that.  It was fucking crazy from what I heard.  Damn, Colt had to pull you off.”

“I know. You don’t know how much it hurt. I need to speak to Scott and apologize. He was the one person I could really count on yet I fucked up.”

“That was poor way of showing it,” Kris responded.

“I know... you don’t know how bad I feel about it.” Thinking about the act and replaying it my head made me start to cry. Seeing what I did over and over was too much. Through the tears I explained my situation and why I did what I did. He looked at me and can see how much I regretted doing what I did.

Kris put his arm around my shoulder, “Jess... I have been there. Matt and I got into a fight once in high school, we both said horrible things to each other. I said such horrible things, and the fight became physical when I punched him in face and kicked him in groan. I regretted the actions ever since. I know that in the heat of the moment we can say and do horrible things.”

Listening to Kris,I started crying into his shoulder.  I waited to for Scott to return, but soon everybody but Scott entered the room. With Kris’s help I explained my story, and what needs to be done. Eventually, Matt walked in the room at that moment.   The look on his face was one of utter surprise.

“Go grab Scott,” I heard Kris tell Matt.

Matt yelled at him just before he opened his door.  He walked back and Matt and Scott entered the room.  I was waiting on Scott and approached him with tearful eyes.  I threw my arms around Scott, “Bro I’m sorry!”  I slapped his back while we embraced I poured out my soul to him.  “Scott, I’ve told them the story now I need to tell you.”

“Okay I guess if you wanna,” Scott stated.

“Scott, I used you as an outlet to vent a semester of growing frustration. It has nothing to do with the sexual aspect either.  I was looking for an excuse to justify why I was leaving here and found you as my scapegoat.  I was too embarrassed to admit I was failing and was looking for something to get me tossed rather than face the facts.  My grades are in the shitter so I’ve withdrawn and returning home to go to Junior College to get my academics in order.  I was telling them so I’ll tell you and Matt.  Thanks for one hell of a year.  I’ll probably be gone when you get back from your game but hopefully you’ve not seen the last of me.  My plans after a long talk with my parents are to come back here once I learn how to study.  Scott, again I’m so very sorry for what I did.  It was wrong of me,” I said as seriously as ever been.

“Jess, I forgive you.  You scared me to death and… didn’t know what had gotten into you,” Scott said with his face saying he wasn’t sold on Jess’s excuse. However, I listened to his words, and took anything I can.

“I was pissed like you wouldn’t believe at myself for trying to hurt you. I was really trying to hurt someone I considered a dear friend.  I was glad Colt was there.  I drove straight home after that.”

Scott stood looking at Jess for a few moments with the room silent.  “Jess, we’ll miss you.”

“No worse than I’ll miss all of you,” I said, and I meant it too. “Scott, most of all, thanks for understanding me the best you can and forgiving me.  I still feel awful but it helps to know you’re so forgiving.”

“Jess, did you need any help now?” Kris asked.  “We can’t stop you now but the least we can do is help you out.”

“I guess you could.  It would make it much faster,” I replied, always appreciating Kris ability to help people when they were down.

In no time with all of us helping I was packed.  There were a few laughs and a few tears. When the car was packed up leaving behind a little stash I knew they would enjoy, I started hugging everybody. Scott walked me to the car and helped me get in. We hugged for a while.  He had a tear in his eye. “Jess, out all the people here, other than Hayden, you understood me the most. I cared for you, like I care for all my friends. I love you and will miss you a lot. You have been there for me and most of the guys all year last semester. You kept us entertained, helped us when we needed it. You were there for Matt, for me... for Colt. That is the mark of true friend, and for that reason and everything you have done while you were here, I do forgive you, Jess. Get back real soon.”

I whispered back, “I love you too Scott. I don’t deserve your kindness.” I got in my car and waived to the guys, and they stood back and watched. I started the engine and left the campus, hoping it wouldn’t be the last time I see it.

TO BE CONTINUED…

We hoped you enjoyed the first installment of 'Jess'.  I realize some of you are familiar with his story and how he left the group.   Andy will tell about Jess's time away from the group and college with various tie ins to the main story.

You can email him, which he would enjoy, at: andywasputz@hotmail.ca  or comment as always in the area provided below.