DEREK CHAPTER 4

Posted:   August 6, 2011... Written by Andy by how he sees the guys meeting with special help from Big 'D'.

October 14 2006 - SITTING AT THE EDGE

As I thought about it, I decided to go back and stay in the quaint town a little longer. I went to back to the Trenton’s that night and Scott eagerly let me back in with a happy hug. Soon after I got a job cleaning the pool at the local high school.

It was nice to see Scott most weekends with his brother, Trevor. I kept watching them with keen interest. Most days, the sight of Scott encouraging Trevor in his swimming, brought my thinking back to Nathan helping Kris ride his first bike. After two months, I decided to move on. The Trenton family were very nice to me. I was surprised that Scott and I spoke frequently, but never about such intimate topics after that first night. I encouraged him to train and make his swimming a great pursuit.

“Maybe someday, Scott, you will be in the Olympics.”

“Nah, I’m not that good.” He shrugged.

Juan, who I met a month ago, kissed Scott on the cheek. “Of course you are bro. My Grandmother said so. “

Juan and Grandma Torres were so close that I wouldn’t be surprised if they talked about the Trenton’s. “Hey, well since your grandma agrees; Scott, it’s official, you are good.”

“Bye Derek, thanks again for helping me with my problem.” I was surprised Scott mentioned it so openly.

“Anytime Scott,” and with that I left that small town.

As September rolled into October my travels took me to a new city. It was another small community. I was walking towards a cliff to take in the beautiful surroundings when I spotted a young boy over by the edge. He seemed to be pondering life.

I decided he need needed some company, so I went and sat next to him on the cliff. I poked him in the shoulder.

“Why did you do that?” he asked me.

Making an educated guess on what he thinking about, I said, “Your life is not worth ending.” I said it in a matter of fact way. “Trust me; I have been hurt just as much as you have.”

“Really? Who the fuck are you?”

“My name is Derek. Life is precious. It’s a gift. I wasted a lot of it before I realized how good it could be”

I looked at him, but he just stared at me like he was going to explode. “TELL ME, DID YOUR FRIENDS IGNORE YOU WHEN THEY REALIZED YOU WERE GAY? WERE YOU MOLESTED AT YOUNG AGE? DOES YOUR MOTHER HATE YOU?!”

I was surprised by this outburst. I did my best to stay calm. “No, No and No. But, I’ve had my share of bad days. You see my boyfriend died in horrible car crash almost three years ago. Anyway, I went to go see him, but his 13-year-old brother was sitting in the waiting room. He blamed me for his brother’s death, practically beat me up and ordered me to leave. So I left. The worst part was he was right. I let him drive home an intoxicated mess.”

Strangely, the conversation was comforting him, so I waited and he nodded and asked me to continue. “I lost my boyfriend who I loved more than anyone or anything else in the whole world in stupid car crash. His family blames me for it. I lost my friends and I had no one left to turn too.”

“What about your family? I’m Corey Tiller by the way.”

“My mom died when I was sixteen, and I never knew my dad. If it wasn’t for my boyfriend, I would have been alone. I had been living with my older brother, but he never cared for me and was gone most of the time, so I spent my life alone.

“I don’t even know who my dad is.”

“I lost everything and everybody I ever cared about and because of that I wanted to end it. I got a knife and was about to slit my wrists. But I couldn’t do it.”?

“Why?”

“Because there’s something better around the corner, life may be bad for you now, but it will turn around in the end. Tell me what happened in your life.”

I knew Corey needed to speak about this to someone. He looked uncertain so I patted him on the back. “Oh come on, let it out.”

“Seriously, my friends distanced themselves from me when they learned I was gay. I don’t even know how they found out. I sensed that and quietly retreated in to myself, I had no one to speak to. I kept things from my mom. But she asked me point blank if I was gay, or if I made it up, like being molested by my stepfather’s friend.

“How so? I assumed you didn’t make it up” I said knowingly

“Of course not, I told her I was gay. And she just looked at me and we stopped speaking.”

I starting to see what Corey’s situation was like. “What would make you the happiest in the world, seriously?”

“I want to go to college and make some great friends who won’t turn on me because I am gay. Maybe have a boyfriend too.”

“That’s great.” I pulled him up, and we left the cliff to go sit down on the bench.

“So what’s stopping you from doing that?”

“The world knows I’m gay and they hate me. Especially in this town! I would make the front page.”

“They don’t hate you as a person. Plus ending your life would just make sure you never achieve your dreams.”

“True.”

“There must be another way to vent your frustrations. Think.”

“I don’t know.” He said and shrugged in defeat.?

I winked at him and smiled. “Try working out, going to the gym. One of the benefits of living my life is that I walk a lot. It will help you get away from some of your feelings and definitely help with the boredom”

“Maybe”

I started walking off. “Just remember kid. Nothing is as bad as it seems. You’ll be fine.” I stopped and walked back, seeing Corey’s look of disbelief.

“I came out to my mother when I was 14, she didn’t want to see me at first. She wanted me to be straight, get married, and have a couple of kids. Now she will never have grandkids. It took me a few months, but we eventually worked it out. For you, your mother may take a little while longer. Let me ask you. Did she kick you out of the house?”

“No!”
“Well, that’s a good sign.” I walked away again. I looked back and Corey seemed to smile. “Bye, Derek.”

“Just be patient, you will be happy in time.” With that I left the young teen.

20 minutes later, Corey found me, and asked if I saw any gyms nearby. I showed him the one I spotted on my way into town and even offered to spot him on his first session. After that, I departed quickly. I don’t want to ever over stay my welcome, like I did with Samuel. Corey hugged me and I left.

MARCH 12 2007 - IT’S GREAT TO BE GAY, AND HAPPY

The months raced by quickly and I encountered many people on my travels, one notable person I found was a guy named Don, he lived on the street. He was no older than seventeen. He ran away from home because his parents treated him like dirt. He told me about the divorce his parents went through and how he was forgotten. I told him that your parents may not love you in the way you want them to but you will find your soul mate, and then I told him how special Nathan was to me. How Nathan helped me enjoy life and feel free. Reassured, Don went back to his family.

By March, I entered a new city and met a local hot guy around my age in a bar, he asked me to join him for a night on the town. Going with my gut I said yes, and we ended up in nice park, naked and fucking each other. We met three times after that. Jim or John or something, we never really got to know each other, it was just sex, but he gave me the best blow job ever.

It was the fourth time we met and we had been to a few bars and drank our fair share and we ended up in an alley behind one of the bars waiting for our cab to arrive. He pushed me in to the alley, had my back against the wall and was kissing me as he ran his hands over my body, pulling my shirt out of my pants.

In a matter of seconds he also had my pants undone and had sank to his knees right there with the lights coming from the street, voices of people walking by and the sound of motors as cars drove past helping to muffle the scream I let out as he swallowed my cock whole in just one go, deep-throating me and using his tongue to tickle my balls while the tip of my cock was lodged firmly in his throat.

His hands were roaming all over my body as he pulled his head back and started bobbing up and down swirling his tongue all around the shaft and the head of my cock, sending a jolt of electricity racing through my body so I was shivering as I tried to hold myself up on the wall.

He was rolling my balls around in his hand, tugging on them slightly as he continued to suck the head of my cock down his throat. There was also the added pleasure of a cool breeze blowing around us so that when he took his mouth off my cock to either lick the shaft, tongue my balls or slap himself in the face with my cock, the cool air on my dick set waves of pleasure surging through me. I don’t think my cock or nipples had ever been so hard.

Even hotter than the man on his knees worshipping my cock, working it over in his mouth the way no one ever had before, was the fact that I could see people walking past the entrance to the alley and we weren’t far enough back in to it that they wouldn’t see us if they decided to look our way. That thought was so hot, knowing anyone could watch me enjoying a great blowjob from a hot guy, that I couldn’t hold it in any longer and with a scream that I thought would be heard over all other noises, I exploded in his mouth, so hard I felt like I was about to pass out.

The volleys of cum I shot fired out of my dick in to the back of his mouth and down his throat. I gripped on to his head and shoved the entire length of my cock in to his mouth, making sure he got to taste all of me. I closed my eyes and threw my head back in ecstasy as my orgasm took over my body and I had to lean against the wall to support myself.
When I opened my eyes again I saw that Jim or John or James had jerked himself off and had cum all over the ground in the alleyway. Then I looked up straight in to the eyes of a young kid who was just staring at me and my cock that was still inside my guy’s mouth. The kid had watched and enjoyed the show, but my guy had to leave to go somewhere so I let him go, but the kid never left and just stood there watching me.

“Um, can I help you?”

“Sorry, I’ve never seen gay shit happen around here before.”?

I pulled my pants back up and walked to the teen. “I assume you’re gay?”

“Yeah, I think so but nobody knows. Not even my best friend.”

“Why not?” I asked

“He’s the biggest gay basher there is.”

“Some of the biggest gay bashers turn out gay themselves.”

“Yeah, well Bryson’s not gay and he would hate me forever.”

“Who the hell are you?”

“That’s kind of personal.

“You just watched me get a blow job, we’re passed personal.”

“I’m Garrett.”

“I think you are making mistake not telling your best friend.”

Why would you say that? How did you come out?”

“That’s kind of a hard story to tell. I came out to my best friend. He was the homophobic jerk like you say your friend is. He even harassed and embarrassed the gay kids in my high school. So coming out to him would probably be the biggest mistake of my life.”

“I can understand that.”

“So I didn’t tell my best friend until I had a boyfriend. James looked mad at first, and then he looked like was going to hit me, but he just smiled and said, ‘You’re my bud, I don’t give a rats ass if you’re gay. Come here.’ James planted a big wet kiss on me, to show his support of it. My friendship with him even stopped him from being mean to other gay kids.”

“What a load of bullshit!”

“Whatever… Believe what you want but it’s the truth.” I left it there. I didn’t think that kid would be coming out any time soon.

“Hey, do you want to fuck?” he asked me all of sudden.

“I don’t think so, dude. For one thing you’re pretty young for me. The other reason, I tried to help you and you pretty much called me a liar.” I got up and left him standing there. Hey, at least I tried to help him.

September 5, 2007 - I FUCKED UP!

Every night for the past seven months I’d had the same dream that had been plaguing me, making me wake up in a cold sweat. I’d get up and walk into a house, go the bedroom and there I’d see Nathan and Kris in bed. I tried to forget about it and push it deep down inside me; but each night it got worse. ?

I was in a new town looking for something to eat, so I continued walking until I came across a hot dog stand and grabbed a dog to eat. Sitting on the steps were two kids in love. I walked over there and ate my hotdog. The guy touched my shoulder.

“Hey mister, do you have the time?” I looked at my watch.

“It’s around three o’clock.”

The girl said, “Come on, honey it’s going to close soon, and we haven’t even got in yet.”

The boyfriend said, “Come on, Terra, we were enjoying the day outside.”

“You just don’t want to experience art.”

“I want to experience you.” He said and smiled wickedly.

The girl slapped him playfully, “Later, Shawn, Later.”

I spoke up, “Did you say art?”

“Yeah, my boyfriend here doesn’t like art and I wanted him to take me for my birthday to see the new exhibit on Da Vinci’s paintings.”

“Well, if you want, back in college I was majoring in art so I could be your guide since Shawn here is too much of a man to go with you.”

“I didn’t say I wasn’t, man.”

Terra spoke up, “Your ass is joining us then, Shawn. Sir, I would love for you to give us a tour.”

“It’s Derek, not sir. And Shawn, don’t worry I’ll make it fun for you.”

We walked around the art gallery, and I was surprised how much information I remembered from school, but I made them both laugh with my colorful comments about Da Vinci’s work. They liked me so much; they offered to take me for an early dinner. I tried to say no, but they wouldn’t have it.

The dinner was great, I was never a fan of Chinese, however, the lemon chicken and wonton soup was really good. The dinner conversation was light and funny with Shawn telling the story of how he met Terra.

“You see, Derek. I was in line for the movie Chicago, and I sat in the second row, four seats along from Terra. Anyways, she started chomping on her popcorn really loudly.”

“It wasn’t that loud.” she protested.
“Yeah, darling it was. Anyways, I turned and gave her a look. After that she came to ask me what that look was for. So I told her.”

“After that we haven’t been apart since.”

“That is so cool. I can tell you guys are in love.” I said, “Make sure you keep each other happy and don’t make the mistakes I made.”

They looked at me. Shawn didn’t look like he wanted to ask the question but Terra did.

“What happened? You don’t seem like that bad a guy.”

“I am. My first boyfriend of four years lost his life because of a mistake I made in letting him drive home drunk. Then recently, I just walked out on my boyfriend of seven months because he reminded me of the pain I caused my first boyfriend.”

“I don’t follow, why did you leave this second guy?”

“It’s a really long story. Basically, I started to fall in love with Samuel, who I met a couple months after my first boyfriend’s death. Then after our seventh anniversary everything was going great. I got a call from Samuel’s friend about a work emergency and I went to him. He was with his nephew reading him a bedtime story. It was that moment that mirrored the same thing my first boyfriend did with his brother. That image brought back all the pain and guilt I had over his death.”

“So you left?” Terra said. I nodded. ?

Shawn shook his head. “I can’t believe that! You just ran away? Instead of talking about it, you left? What kind of coward are you?”

“What would you have done? Instead of facing my problems I escaped it into some kind of fantasy world, where the first guy I meet turns out to be great guy and doesn’t care how much I killed my first lover.”

Terra looked at me with sad eyes. “You didn’t kill him. The alcohol did.”

“BUT I GAVE HIM THE ALCOHOL!” I screamed, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to yell.”

Shawn, not buying this for one moment, said, “So say you did kill him by supplying him with the alcohol or say you killed him any way you can think of, but this Samuel guy put that out of his head and loved you for the man you are. But you still left him!”

“How could he really love me? Would you?”

Terra said, “Forget about that. I want to know why you left.”

“I left because I couldn’t handle it. I saw that image that mirrored the one I saw earlier in my life with my first boyfriend, they both looked so innocently then, and not even a year later, one was dead and the other blamed me for that death. His brother and I were great friends and then bang, he hated me and told me to leave, so I left. Then I didn’t want these guys to hate me too and didn’t want a mistake I made destroy their happiness as well.”

Shawn looked at me. “So you’re still a coward and can’t get over the fact you made a mistake?”?

Terra looked at him. “Shawn! That was uncalled for. Would you have been able to handle it if something happened to me?”

“I don’t know. I just see what I see. Derek. I believe you are nice guy, who made some mistakes. Let me ask you. What did you do after that? Shot in the dark; you got yourself drunk?”

“Yeah, how did you know?”

“You’re not the only one who makes mistakes and comes to regret them. You drink because you’re trying to wash away the pain and hurt you feel. But all it does is kill you. Makes you weak and destroys you from the inside out.”

I listened, Noah and Kendall said the same thing in their meetings, but hearing it now from another person made it finally sink in.

“You’re right.” I said, “Thanks!”

Terra asked another question, “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I will be. I fucked up. I just wanted to help you with some art touring, and you helped me with my life. I had three loves, my first boyfriend, his brother and Samuel. I think I know what I have to do!”

We all spoke at the same time. “Go Back!” We all laughed and then Shawn left me with some advice. ?

“If there is true love between people, then death and bad choices will never break that apart.”

Terra kissed Shawn and we went walking down the street and got some ice cream while I shared some stories about Samuel. It was an enjoyable day. I thanked them both and left.

I thought about it over and over and I needed to go back to Samuel. I loved him deeply. Somehow I needed to explain my side of things. So three weeks later with a clear head and clear thoughts, I made the decision to go back. I walked back to the college town and prepared myself for what might happen, even though I had no idea what that was.

December 2 2007. WE WILL TAKE IT SLOW

After finally making it back to the college town I hung around for weeks just hoping that I would run in to Rick or Samuel, but it never happened. I eventually came to the realization that I would have to actually seek them out so remembering back to my months with them I decided to go to one of Rick’s favorite restaurants. I needed to know how much damage I caused and just what exactly I would need to do to fix it.

When I arrived at the restaurant it was with the intention of asking someone about Rick, to see if they could point me in his direction if they knew what he was doing. Just turning up at the house they lived in would have been a huge mistake and could do more damage than good. I sat down at the little bar, not really wanting to eat and definitely not intending to drink when suddenly I heard someone say my name.

“Derek?” I knew that voice instantly. It was Rick.

I turned around and there he stood in a uniform. Not only was it his favorite restaurant but he was also working there too. There were probably a lot of benefits to be had for a young kid like Rick and it would have meant he didn’t have to keep bugging Samuel for money like he had done many times when I lived with them.

“Hey Rick,” I said, slightly subdued. I didn’t know what to do. I hadn’t actually expected him to be there.

“What are you doing here?” Rick asked, studying me.

“I realized what a moron I was and how much I must have hurt your uncle, how much I must have hurt you and while I can’t expect things to go back to how they were I at least want to make them right.” I said.

Rick smiled and nodded his head. He had an uncertain, yet happy look on his face.

“Look, I have to work now, but I finish in about 90 minutes, so sit down and have something to eat, the food is amazing here, as I’m sure you remember and we can talk when I get off shift,” he said, showing me to a table.

I was beyond shocked. Maybe I had underestimated Rick, maybe he had grown up since I had left. I had expected him to knock my head off and beat me to within an inch of my life but instead he was seating me at a table and taking my drink order. It took me until my food order came to even get my head around that.

When Rick came off shift he appeared from the back in his street clothes and he didn’t even bother sitting down at my table when he reached me.

“Your meal has been paid for, now come on, we have things to talk about and I don’t want to talk about them here.” Rick said.

I was nervous as hell as I stood up and followed him out of the restaurant. We were walking down a street not saying a word just walking along side by side until finally Rick spoke.

“It’s good to see you,” he sighed.

“Yeah? I thought you’d hate me.” I said.

“I didn’t say that I didn’t hate you. I just said it was good to see you alive and well.”

“Alive maybe, well now that’s debatable.”

Rick gave a chuckle. “I guess it’s the least you deserve after what you did. You broke my uncle’s heart, you know?”

“I know,” I said softly. “I’ve hated myself every day for what I did to him. Things just got too much for me and I couldn’t handle it.”

“What do you mean things got too much for you? Couldn’t you have spoken to us about it?”?

“No. You were part of the problem.”

“What do you mean?”?

“That night when I left, seeing the two of you together like that, it just set me off on a downward spiral.”

“That’s your sorry ass excuse? YOU FUCKING NEARLY KILLED MY UNCLE! HE WAS IN LOVE WITH YOU AND YOU RIPPED HIS HEART OUT!”

Before I could react Rick had grabbed my arm, spun me round and I felt his fist connect with my face, knocking me to the ground. I was too stunned to move for a moment, just lying there on the pavement, tasting the blood in my mouth with my jaw aching.

“I’m sorry, Rick,” I sobbed but never got up, just crying as I lay on the ground. “I never meant for any of it to happen. That night when I saw you sitting in bed and Samuel was reading to you it just reminded me of Nathan and Kris and I cracked. As much as I try not to I still think about Nathan every day, I still can’t fight the feeling that I helped to kill him and that I let Kris chase me off when he needed me the most.

“I just got reminded of that and I felt so much pain inside that I just had to get away. At first I thought it was just to clear my head but I just kept going. I was an idiot. I loved Nathan so much and I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with him. When he died I never thought I’d ever find anyone who could match up to him and even when I was with Sam, so happy it was hard to believe, I still didn’t get just how much he means to me.

“I won’t compare him to Nathan because it wouldn’t be fair on either of them, but your uncle is one of the two most amazing people I have ever met. When I was with him I have never been happier and since I left him I have been so miserable there have been days when I have tempted to just end my life. Recently though I’ve started to see the truth. I love Samuel and I know I may have screwed things up for good but I’ve got to at least try to get him back because if I don’t I’ll have another thing that I’ll never forgive myself for.”

I sat there for 30 seconds in pure silence except for the sound of my own crying. Then a hand appeared in front of my face and for a moment I was afraid he was going to hit me again but when I looked up his hand was extended out to me. He was trying to help me up.

I took Rick’s hand and let him pull me to my feet, steadying me since I was still a little shaken from the killer punch Rick had landed.

“Do you really still love Samuel?” Rick asked.

“I do.”

“And do you honestly want to be with him?”

“I do, Rick.”?

“Then I’ll take you to him, but I warn you, after all this time he has finally got his life back together. He was a wreck after you left, I mean a total wreck, and even I barely recognized him. But he’s managed to get back on his feet and he’s running the Rec center on campus. If you hurt him again Derek that punch you just felt will be nothing compared to what I do to you. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Rick, but I won’t hurt him. I promise you that.”

“Okay then, follow me.”

I followed Rick back to the campus and on the way he filled me in on how the job at the restaurant was really only temporary to help get him some extra money because he was going to become an RA at the school when the new college year began. He said that after I left it was hard to Samuel to trust anyone, even Rick, so their relationship had been really strained but they were pretty much back to normal.

When we arrived at the house that I had also lived in, I closed my eyes. A wave of terror came over me. How could I go in there and face Samuel? I was about to back out when Rick grabbed my hand and pulled me in to the house, announcing his arrival and saying he had brought someone home and wanted Samuel to meet them.

Samuel came out of the kitchen carrying an empty pot, he looked like he was about to start cooking dinner. The second he saw me the pot left his hand and was sailing through the air towards my head. I just managed to duck out of the way as it crashed in to the wall behind me. There was pure fury and rage in his eyes.

Rick quickly left the house, leaving me alone with Samuel who just started screaming at me. I don’t even remember half of what was said because there was just so much bile and abuse that was coming out of his mouth, calling me every name he could think of for leaving him and Rick. I could see how much my leaving had devastated him and I felt so terrible that I had ever put him through that.

I wanted to just leave, knowing I had made a mistake in coming back, but I couldn’t, I needed to explain myself to Samuel and if he rejected me then, I would just have to accept it.

I let him continue his barrage for almost an hour. I had crumpled to the floor in the hallway and all I heard coming out of my mouth were just two words; I’m sorry.

When he was finally done he all but collapsed next to me, he was crying too.

“What the fuck happened, Derek? Why did you leave me?” He asked, looking at me without anger for the first time.

I explained to him what I had told Rick earlier. Samuel seemed to sympathize but there was a little bit of anger returning to his gaze.

“And you couldn’t have told me that at the time? I could have helped you deal with it, Derek, that’s what boyfriends do. You didn’t even say goodbye, you just left. I didn’t know where you’d gone, I was worried sick. I thought you might have gone off and killed yourself or something stupid and I had lost one of the greatest things I ever had in my life.

“When you didn’t come back after a few days I just fell apart. I’ve never loved anyone like I loved you, Derek. You were everything to me and you shit all over that when you walked away. I thought we were in love and that we were going to try to start a life together properly but just as all those dreams were starting to look like they could be achieved, you crushed them.”

“I’m so sorry, baby,” I cried. “I never meant to hurt you. I wasn’t even thinking. After Nathan I never thought I could forgive myself, let alone fall in love again but I did Samuel and I was stupid not to realize that at the time. I don’t have many things in my life but I know that the love I have for you is real.”

“You love me?” Samuel asked. I could tell he was in shock.

“More than anything. I don’t know why I didn’t see it before. You mean the world to me Samuel and even if you won’t take me back I had to give it just one last try because I’ve ruined too many things in my life that I can’t change, but this one I can at least have a go at making right.”

Samuel smiled and leaned in to kiss my cheek.

We stayed up talking until 4am. Rick had come in and gone to his room while we continued to chat on the sofa, just going over everything that had happened to us since I left. Samuel explained that he knew what I was feeling to some extent because of his parents. It was such a reassuring chat.
Just after the clock struck 4 I told Samuel that I had better get going but he told me not to be stupid, it was far too late. He said that we still had a lot of things to work through but he was in a place where he could give me a second chance, but if I screwed up again I was out for good.

He took my hand and led me up to his bedroom, he lay me down on the bed fully clothed and climbed on to the bed beside me. He kissed my cheek and leaned in to whisper in my ear that we needed to take things slow. I agreed and we fell asleep with him holding me as I head lay on his chest, we were fully clothed the entire night.

When I woke the next morning Rick was standing at the end of the bed with a huge smile on his face.

“Does this mean you’re back together?” He asked.

“No…” Samuel said, waking up. “But Derek deserves a second chance after all he’s been through so we’re going to just take it slow and see what happens.” Rick jumped on the bed and I fell on the floor, and the room erupted with laughter.

**************

Hope you enjoyed the story written by Andy with help from Big D.  You can COMMENT below as always or send an email directly to Andy at: andywasputz@hotmail.ca.   My friend enjoys writing for you like I do and would be thrilled if you could drop him an email about this chapter or any of his other writings, "Before They Roomed Together".