The night was surprisingly cold but Matt was happy nonetheless. The tests were over, the studying was done for the semester, and
in about 30 minutes he could legally drink. He thought it was nice of Kris to set up an intimate gathering for him. Intimate because
Matt always assumed Kris wanted to have a party the entire campus would show up to.
Tonight wasn’t like that, though, especially with the rift between themselves and Alex, Bishop and Tom continuing. There was
only a small group of people gathered to wish Matt a happy birthday. They all had long journeys ahead of them in the morning,
travelling home for the holidays, but each one made a special effort to be there for him. That touched Matt’s heart immensely. He
looked around the room at all his friends.
In the kitchen, chatting away, were Ted and Luke discussing their last football match with Colt. He still recalled when Colt would
glow whenever Ted was in the room, and how when they first met he nearly shit himself because Ted was a football god. Now that
he worked alongside the team and had Ted and most of guys around him on a regular basis, it mellowed that star struck feeling he
had before.
Corey and Kris were listening intently to Derek, who was engaged in an embarrassing conversation about Rick, their former RA,
who sat with them and pointed out mistakes in Derek’s story when the situation called for it. Brennan and Garrett were chatting
with Cody and Shawn about nothing in particular until Scott decided to join their conversation, asking about Brennan and Garrett’s
sex life now they lived alone. Matt had to laugh at that because in the three years he had known Scott he hadn’t changed one bit.
He loved that about Scott and valued him as a best friend. His only regret was that Scott didn’t live with them and their time
together was limited.
Next to him were the new freshmen as he secretly called them, Reese, Chase and Tabor. They were an unlikely trio, but he was so
happy that Chase and Tabor wouldn’t let Reese be bugged for being gay, they saw past that to the nice guy behind the label. When
Matt was a freshman Kris had his back, now the gay guys in his old building had Tabor and Chase watching over them. The only
friend missing from the party was Jess, however being an RA meant he had to man the fort with this being the last night before
everybody went home for the break, which Matt understood. There were bound to be some issues arising and Jess would have to
keep everyone in check.
Matt eyed Corey and smiled. He knew his boyfriend of more than two years had something planned for his birthday, but he
wouldn’t tell him. All Matt knew was that Corey and he were driving home to have small party with his mother.
Suddenly he was pulled from his thoughts by the almost deafening sound of an air horn. He looked over to see Kris blowing it,
wanting to get everyone’s attention.
“Bros, in about one minute my boy here will be 21.”
There were shouts and screams from everyone present. Colt shouted, “You had to use the fucking air horn to make that
announcement? Everybody here already knewthat!”
“Of course, bro, how else are we going to celebrate Matt’s big day?”
“With my hearing intact,” Colt joked as Chase humored him with light laughter.
Scott’s voice caught the group’s attention, “Would you shut up? We might miss it.”
He looked down at his watch and counted down. When he got to five the whole group counted with him. Matt was embarrassed by
all the fuss, but there wasn’t anything he could do.
Out of nowhere Matt saw party horns and a couple of ratchets being pulled out as everyone hollered and clapped and the noise of
it all filled the room.
Kris disappeared into the kitchen and returned with a small cake.
Raising an eyebrow, Matt asked, “Did you make this?”
“Nah, Corey did.”
Corey was full of surprises, but Matt loved the gesture and moved over to kiss his boyfriend on the lips. Kris then approached with
a candle, sticking it in the cake and lighting it. The entire group sang Happy Birthday as Matt blushed and blew out the candle.
“This is the best birthday I’ve had so far.”
Colt laughed, “It’s barely even started yet!”
After the cake was eaten and Matt personally thanked everybody, most of the guests left early since they were all going home the
next day and had long drives ahead of them. It was just him and his four best friends left. Kris, being Kris stripped naked after
hugging Derek goodbye and eventually, Corey, Kris, Colt and Matt followed suit.
“So, how does it feel being 21, Matt?” Kris asked.
“Great. I have everything I ever wanted.”
Corey lifted up his fingers, “The best boyfriend… Check!” He nodded to Kris, “The ultimate best friend… Check.”
“Awesome wild monkey love… Check.” Scott interrupted.
“Hey now, we don’t fuck all the time,” Matt said, but his four friends smiled and gave him a look that said, yeah right. Matt laughed
it off. He turned the subject to Kris and Colt. “So, are you guys going to have a wonderful time alone?”
“Fucking each other’s brains out,” Colt smiled. “You bet.”
Scott asked, seriously, being out of the loop most of time because of not living with them, “When did you realize you liked guys,
Colt. Or is it just Kris you love?”
“I don’t know. I love Kris to death, but I am attracted to other guys. I’ve let myself go at times, like those encounters with the guys
in Amsterdam, but I think Kris and his hot body is what got me interested in guys to begin with. Then I fell in love with him.”
“Well, I remember when I knew I was gay,” Corey stated before he recalled how he discovered he was gay while watching a
television show and feeling his dick grow hard while he was looking at a hot guy on the show. When he jacked off looking at and
thinking of the guy, it was the best orgasm of his life to that point and he knew then it wasn’t just a one off. It felt right.
Then Scott asked, “Matt, tell us when you first realized you were gay. We’ve all told our stories. Out of everybody here you were
the one who was always so sure of your gayness. It’s about time you told us how you were so sure.”
“There really isn’t much to tell.” Matt stated.
“Oh come on,” Kris said, “Even before I knew you, you were so sure you were gay.”
“Wait?” Scott piped up, laughing. “There was time when you didn’t know Kris? I thought you two were brothers were joined at the
Matt rolled his eyes and began to tell his story.
I was just about to turn fourteen. I woke up form a nap and could smell something good coming from the kitchen. I got out of bed
and walked down the stairs to see what Mom was baking. On the table were her specialty cookies so I knew it wasn’t that because
it wasn’t a familiar smell. As I walked further in, she was taking a cake out of the oven. That surprised me because she normally
bought a cake for my birthday. For the last four years it had just been the two of us so I wondered if someone else was joining us
for her to go to so much trouble.
I got my answer when the doorbell rang and Mom asked me to go open the door. When I pulled it open I was stunned to see my
father standing there.
“Hello, son, Happy Birthday,” he said.
“Hello, Dad.” He obviously picked up on my tone from the look on his face. “What are you doing here?”
“It’s your birthday, Matthew.”
“That didn’t seem to matter for the last few years when you never showed up,” I stated.
“Son, you know I work all the time. I can’t be home all the time.”
“Mom has a fulltime job and she can be here. Why can’t you?”
“I’m not having this conversation right now. Here!” He took a small gift out of his jacket packet and then went to say hello to Mom,
who just entered from the kitchen. I looked at the gift and thought about throwing it out, but I put it in my pocket instead.
I could count the number of times I saw my father in last five years on one hand. It was three times. Mom and Dad spoke briefly
and then she called us in for dinner. It was a silent meal, with nobody really saying much. I mentioned how well I doing in my
Street Fighter game, but Dad just grunted something and didn’t seem to care.
Eventually the cake was brought out and I made the wish that someday me and my father could have a better relationship. I blew
out the candles. Nothing changed. I really thought the wish would come true and something would happen. Looking back it did
eventually, but the opposite seemed to be happening.
As soon as Dad received his cake piece he made an announcement.  “I’m sorry Matthew but I can’t stay long. I need to be in
Detroit by 8 am.”
“Why the fuck did you bother to come then?” I yelled. It was the first time I swore at him.
“MATTHEW ALEXANDER RAYMOND!” Mom shouted at me. “We do not swear in this house.”
“Sorry Mom,” I calmly said, while I stared daggers at my father, who seemed quite taken aback by my outburst.
“Matthew,” he said, finding his voice. “I am sorry.”
“If you‘re going to be a part time father then don’t come back. I don’t need you in my life. Me and Mom are coping just fine without
you. JUST GO!”
I had tears in my eyes and had to get away from him. I ran upstairs and put my head into my pillows. Then I heard more shouting
downstairs until it turned to screaming.
Then the shouting died down and my curiosity got the best of me. I walked out of my bedroom door and stood on the landing. I
could just make out their conversations. Mom was talking about me.
“Larry, he hasn’t been doing well at school.”
“He gets straight A’s.” I heard Dad protest.
“He hasn’t made a single friend. He just goes to school and comes home. I’m worried about him. All he does is play video games
and surfs the internet. He doesn’t seem to be interested in any clubs or sports or anything. I worry about if this continues into high
school when he enrolls.”
“Linda, it’s just a phase. I’m sure he’ll make friends in high school. When I was in junior high…”
“You were the class clown and got everybody laughing! He isn’t you, Larry. He’s our son. The one you chose to abandon.”
“Abandon? I didn’t abandon him. I came when I could! You can’t blame me for having a demanding job.”
“Your job ruined our marriage. Don’t let it ruin your relationship with your son! Is that what you want?”
“I can’t deal with this right now.”
I looked down the stairs as Dad put on his coat and slammed the front door behind him on his way out. I hated when my parents
had a fight and I couldn’t sleep at all that night, thinking over everything that was said.
There was still one more week of school before Christmas break. I had a Phys Ed class, which I hated. I got their early and changed
because I didn’t want any of the guys to see me change. I was very shy about my skinny body and knew some of the bigger, more
muscular guys might make fun of me. As I was putting on my uniform of shorts and t-shirt with school logo on it I thought about my
father and how he wasn’t much of one, at least my image of one.
Suddenly my mind was pulled from my thoughts the moment I saw these two guys stripping out of there boxers and talking about
some girl they liked. My eyes were glued to nice toned bodies and I couldn’t help myself as my eyes went down to their packages.
I felt my stomach tighten and wondered what was happening. I quickly turned away, hoping nobody saw me or the reaction I had
to seeing them half naked. I tried to turn my mind to other thoughts, but then my eyes focused on another cute guy whose small
dick was on display. He caught me staring and shouted, “What the fuck you looking at, fag?”
The moment he said that my eyes went wide and I knew I was busted. I ran from the changing room, out of the gym and down the
hall until I reached a bathroom. I ran into one of the stalls, slammed and locked the door behind me and fell down to the floor as I
burst out crying. Why didn’t I just deny it and laugh it off? Why did I have to run? I pretty much confirmed it by my actions and I
hated myself for being so weak.
When the class was underway I went back into the changing room, changed back into my normal school clothes and left for home
early. On the walk home I realized that wasn’t the first time I had checked out a guy. I had found myself doing it on a semi regular
basis that semester and I thought it was just curiosity in seeing what other guys had, but then I thought about what Darrin said
about being a fag. Maybe I was one if was checking guys out all the time.
I walked in the front door and saw that Mom had left a message saying she would be home late. I would never tell my father about
what happened at school because that would just cause a further divide. I didn’t have anywhere to turn. I wished I had a best
friend I could talk to and confide in, but I just was too shy to talk to anybody and let them get to know me. I sat at home alone,
thinking things over, but it was driving me mad. I really needed to speak to someone so I could try to figure out if I was gay. When
no one in my real life came to mind I decided to go to the one place that had helped me so far, I went online.
The first thing I did was find some naked pictures of girls and women, hoping they’d get me excited, but they didn’t do anything
for me. I was so nervous as I typed gay porn into a search menu, but when I clicked on one of the results and things started to
appear on the screen my dick was almost instantly hard.
That was when I knew I was gay and it scared the shit out of me. I didn’t know how to handle it. I was scared to even tell Mom
because I had no idea how she would react. Finding out your only son is gay can’t be an easy thing. I knew I needed to properly
confirm it before I came out to her so I put in another search, this time for gay forums and chat rooms. It seemed like my only
option. It was great. I soon found myself talking to guys just like me, of varying ages, and just talking to them helped me to come to
terms with the fact that I was attracted to guys and they helped me to see that there is nothing wrong with that and that I can be
as happy with a man as I can with a woman. They made me feel good about myself and that was the greatest birthday present I got
that year.
“Over the next semester and the summer, I read everything I could about being gay. I talked to more guys through chat rooms and
made some friends online. Then I found a guy called Daniel...”
The whole room was silent as Matt paused and he couldn’t believe his story had captured their attention so fully.
“Daniel?” Kris asked. “You mean the guy you lost your virginity to?”
“I was scared to communicate with him at first, but I was just starting to explore my sexuality and was so curious I wanted to get it
over and done with so we met up and I fucked him. It was the biggest mistake of my life.”
“At least now you’ve found the right guy.” Colt stated.
“I’m so glad Matt was my first.” Corey yawned, which signalled to Matt that he was tired too. It was almost one thirty.
“It is getting pretty late.” Kris said. “Scott, you can stay here if you want,” he added, with Scott reaching for the door.
“No, I promised to be with Jess tonight after he finished his duties. He said he’d see me at mine around one.” He looked at his
watch, “Fuck, I’m late!”
He walked over to Matt and gave him a brief kiss on the lips. He wished him a Happy Birthday and then exited through the door
and went straight to his apartment where he opened the door and was greeted by a kiss that had so much passion behind it.
“I love you Jessie.” Scott said.
“I love you too.”


Scott headed straight for his bedroom.  He knew exactly what he wanted, and Jess was ready to make sweet love to him after
dealing with bunch of drunks for the last few nights. Scott walked into the room and stripped naked and while Jess watched with
his glowing eyes. Before they knew it both were naked and making such passionate love.

After their sex, Scott and Jess lay there taking it all in. Scott hated that he couldn’t spend more time with Jess. The time they had
together was always the most memorable part of their relationship. From the moment Jess wanted him before he got kicked out of
school to the summertime he spent at Scott’s house all the way to this moment; Scott was secure in the fact that his love for Jess
was iron tight.

Another relationship entered his mind, though, and Jess could tell it was occupying most of his thoughts.

He asked, “Scott, what are you think about?”

“Nothing, Jess….”

Jess stared at him, knowing that eventually he would get him to speak his mind. And after a few seconds Scott spoke again.

“It really is nothing. You know how we celebrated Matt’s birthday? Well, Matt told us this compelling story about how he knew he
was gay.”


“Well, in the three years I’ve known him we’ve never really been that personal before. I seem to talk about small stuff with him?”

“The small stuff?”

“You know how my horny brain works by now. How many times did you bang Corey? What sexuality is Kris today? Nothing that’s

“I see, so you regret that you and he never had real conversations.”

“Not really, over the three years we have had some talks that were beneficial, but I was surprised how open he was to us all. It
made me feel part of the group, which I sometimes think I’m slipping out of.”

“Scott, we’ve been over this, you are part of the group. Sure, you can’t live with them all the time. but they love you as much as
they love each other, at least as friends.”

Scott doubted that. Sensing that doubt, Jess said, “Come on, Scott, you’ve fucked all of them, some more than once. And I’m
guessing it wasn’t just fucking for the sake of fucking, but more about how close you are to them. That level of trust and love is
something that none of them take lightly.”

Scott had to agree with Jess on that, “They even offered me a bed so I could stay with them tonight, but I said no because I wanted
to spend my last night here with you.”

“That’s sweet,” Jess kissed Scott. “I hated that I couldn’t go with you to Matt’s party tonight. Studying for these tests put me behind
on the paperwork, and I’ve been put in charge of January’s new additions.”

Scott asked, “Anybody interesting coming to the dorms?”

“Deer is moving to my floor, and there have been a few exits. It breaks my heart that those guys gave up after one semester.”

Scott knew full well how much Jess regretted fucking up his freshman year, though in retrospect, his year away made him a better
man. Scott traced his fingers up the scars on Jess’s stomach. They were silent for another minute.

Then Scott kissed Jess again, “I do love you a lot.”

“I love you too. Even though I’d trade you for Matt in a minute,” Jess laughed.

“He is one fine piece of meat.”

“So who was your best fuck out of the guys?” Jess asked, having no experience with anybody but Kris, and even then it was limited
to blowjobs.

“I would say Kris. He’s surprised me the most.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, since the first day he knew I liked girls and guys he’s always been trying to put me in one camp or another. I don’t think he
believed you could be bi. In his mind you were either gay or straight. You liked guys or you liked girls. But his sexual discovery and
changes from being a lover of girls to slowly appreciating guys and to fucking more guys than I have… That whole transformation
just shocked me.”

“It is hard to realize what you are until you get there. Kris was straight nearly all his life until he came to college, then slowly, with
Matt’s unconscious influence, he’s seen that we love who we love and the label of being gay, straight or bisexual can’t define our
love. I will say this right now… I thought Colt and Kris had a thing for each when they fought over Monica. It was hunch, but I
suspected it because there was something other than normal male jealousy there. I almost felt like Colt was upset because Kris
supposedly went after Monica and not him.”

“Really? It was a complete surprise to me when I heard they fucked that night during spring break. And now they’re dating… It
blows my mind.”

“Kris and Colt love each other. Colt loved Andrea, but he’s in love with Kris, and Kris feels the same way. You can’t be boxed into a
sexual orientation. The heart wants what the heart wants.

“Why weren’t you around when I discovering that for myself? You would have made it so much easier for me.”

“What are you talking about?”


I was about fourteen and was seeing a couple of girls back then, even fooling round with a few. After my first kiss on New Years Eve
it opened my eyes to what feelings two people could give each other and I wanted so much more. At first I never dreamed the girls
would want to fool around too, but they did and it was great. At the same time I also came to realize that I was also looking at some
of the guys around me almost in the same way I did the girls. It really confused to think that I lusted over guys as well as girls and
when I jerked off at night I thought of both sexes and what I might do with them. Even though I had those feelings about guys, they
were never really focus in on any one guy and I never really had the urge to do anything with a guy until a new kid arrived in our
neighborhood. It was Juan.

The moment I saw him I was attracted to him and he started to make me question who I was. There was something about his eyes
and his smile that made me melt. One day during my freshman year in high school, when I was swimming in the pool, practicing
with my team for an upcoming swimming competition, I saw Juan in the audience watching us all practice. I always swam into the
side of the pool because my eyes were focused on him and I wasn’t paying attention to where I was in the pool.

After practice I got changed and walked over to him. He was chatting to some of his friends, a few of them were giving him grief, I
think, but he just laughed it off.

“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with swimming,” he said.

“Come off it, you don’t get laid being a swimming star. You get laid if you’re the football quarterback,” his friend grinned.

Suddenly any confidence I’d build up to approach Juan was gone and I just stared at his friend as they turned to me.

“I mean look at this guy. What chick is gonna want to be with him?”

“I’m sure there are quite a few,” Juan said. He smiled at me and I felt all warm inside because he was defending me.

“Yeah right…” the guy scoffed.

“It’s not like you’re on the football team. You’re as skinny as he is,” Juan continued. “You look more like one of those guys on the
chess team who’s never seen a bare breast in his life.”

All of Juan’s friends laughed at that and the guy the comment it was directed at seemed to blush.

“You know, I’m member of the baseball team at my school. And I get a lot of action thank you very much.”

“From your hand?” I asked, finally having the guts to say something. As soon as I said it I regretted it and took a deep breath but
there some laughs from the others so I relaxed a little.

“Are you trying to tell me that if I wear one of those Speedos the girls will want me?” The guy asked, looking at me and then back at
his friends.

“Well, maybe not with your attitude at the moment,” Juan laughed, “but yeah. Give it three months and I’m sure you’ll have one or
two numbers from girls taking an interest. And I’m not just talking those plump girls who like to help you with your math
homework… unless you like girls who look like Princess Fiona in Shrek.”

With that everyone burst out laughing, even the guy Juan was making fun of. I could tell they were friends because the guy just
took it as banter and laughed it off. Seeing Juan laughed didn’t help me though because not only was he hot, but he was nice and
funny with a killer smile too. Somewhere, from deep inside me, I found the balls to introduce myself.

“Hi,” I extended my hand towards Juan, who seemed to be the leader of his little group, “I’m Scott Trenton.”

“Juan Torres, and that…” he pointed to the guy I was talking with, “is Yancey McGregor.”

“Yancey? That’s an odd of name,” I said without thinking. “It rhymes with Nancy.”

Yancey got upset then and stood up, understanding the connotations. He punched me in the chest and I fell back into the pool.

“You there!” A shout boomed across the pool as I surfaced. It was my coach. “Since you like harassing my players a lot, how about
you become one? From this moment, you’re a member of the swimming team.”

“Sorry ma’am, but this isn’t my school.” He smiled and actually moved to help me out of the pool. When I had a firm grip on his
hand I pretended to fall back in, pulling him in with me. As soon as he came back up I knew he was pissed so I swam away and he
gave chase.

“What’s your name?” my coach asked when were had stopped fooling around.

“Yancey,” he replied, splashing water in my direction.

“I see… well, I believe you must be a part of your swim team. You are an able swimmer, not many people can give my Scott a run for
his money.”

I blushed and Juan laughed as my coach when back to her office.

“Well,” he said turning back towards his friend, “now we’ll see how lucky you get with the girls.”

“Maybe bro…” Yancey smiled. “I can see why you transferred. This school is amazing.”

He checked his watch, “Maybe I’ll see you in the pool sometime, Scott.”

He swam to the side of pulled himself out. His clothes were clinging to him and I checked out his package for some reason,
picturing what he would look like in a Speedo.

“Maybe,” I replied as I climbed out of the pool myself and extended my hand for him to shake. He accepted and then I watched as
Yancey, Juan and his two other friends left.

The next day Juan found me at lunch and we got talking. He told me all about his transfer, and from then on we were great friends.
He joined my circle of friends quite easily and told me a few months later that Yancey did get laid. We didn’t see much of Yancey by
our second semester, though. I never usually saw him unless I competed against him.

It was during the Christmas holidays that my true feelings for Juan started to show. I always thought he was really cute, but I put
that out of my mind because I was out on a date with my girl Jeanine and I fucked her real hard. Then, the next morning on the bus
to school with Juan, I started thinking about how he would be the sack. I really couldn’t understand these feelings. I liked Jeanine,
but I was curious about Juan and the more I thought about it the more it excited me.

These thoughts kept going on for months. Jeanine started dating the chess club captain, which surprised me but didn’t really upset
me. I knew Juan was straight so I tried to put my growing lust and feelings for him out of my mind and I pursued others in the
meantime. A couple of months later I managed to bang the head cheerleader. I really didn’t know what was going on with me. I
seemed to be craving sex a lot. The problem was that I was attracted to Juan and some of the other boys in my swim class, but I was
also attracted to Cindy, the head cheerleader, and some of her teammates.

One day, while I was with Juan on the bus, he leaned in and asked me what was wrong.

“Nothing,” I said, but he didn’t buy it for a second.

“I know there’s something wrong, bud, spill it.”

“I can’t.”

“Let me guess…” he stated. “You’re attracted to me. You might even love me.”

I was shocked at how he connected the dots and I knew it had to show on my face.

“Scott, I’ve seen the way you look at me.”

Ironically I couldn’t look at him after he said that. I tried to meet his gaze but I just couldn’t. I felt like crying and instead of talking
to him I got up and moved to the front of the bus. As soon as the bus reached my street I was out the door and running down the
street. I ran straight into the house and slammed my bedroom door behind me, dropping down onto the bed and burying my face
into a pillow.

Suddenly my bedroom door flew open and I looked up to see Juan standing there. He had raced after me and was here in my
bedroom. I feared I would see hatred on his face and that he’d want to beat the shit out of me, but he slowly approached my bed
and sat down on it. He reached up with his hand and turned my head so my teary eyes were looking into his beautiful ones.

“Scott, I’m sorry. You know it could never work between us. For one thing, I’m not gay. I have no intentions of ever being with a
guy. I’m really sorry. That doesn’t mean I have a problem with you if you do like guys though. Just don’t focus on me. There are
plenty of attractive guys at our school.”

“I’m not gay, Juan!” I yelled at him. “I like girls. I always have. Then I met you and yeah I started having these feeling for you that I
just couldn’t fight. But I knew I’d never have you so I started looking at other guys and realized that I like some of them too. But I
am not fucking gay!”

Juan was stunned by the outburst. I just yelled again. “I’m a freak. I’m a fucking gay-straight monster!”

“What’s all this yelling about,” my father asked, walking in on the conversation. I just wanted him to go away, but to my
embarrassment Juan told my father everything, including the comment I made about being a freak. I couldn’t believe it. I wanted to
hate him, but at the same time I was relieved.

“Son…” Dad said after minute. “You are not a freak. Nor are you a monster. You’re probably just bisexual. That’s all. It’s not ideal,
but there’s nothing wrong with it. You like both sexes. It happens and you shouldn’t beat yourself up about it.”

“Bisexual?” I had heard the term before, but there were certain images you got from hearing the word. “I assumed it meant being a
slut, that you were just greedy and wanted both sexes.”

“No, Scott,” my father chuckled before explaining what he meant. “It means you’re attracted to both sexes. You don’t just like men
and you don’t just like women, you like them both. Some may believe that bisexuality means…”

“I thought that was when you had sex with animals,” Juan stated, looking at me with a strange smirk. He was attempting to make
me laugh, one of the things that attracted me to him.

“No, Juan, that’s bestiality. Scott, being bisexual means you are attracted to both genders. There is nothing wrong with that and I
don’t want you to worry that there is,” he said, taking me into his arms. “One day, you will find the right man or woman to fall in
love with and then you’ll commit to that person regardless of their gender, but you will probably date men and women for a while
until you find that one. But I don’t care what you are, Scott. I just want you to be happy. Although we will need to talk about you
sneaking off to date boys since we had the conversation about girls last year.”

“Okay, dad,” I smiled.

“Yeah, Scott, that’s horrible… sneaking off in the dead of night to fuck some guy.”

“It wasn’t some guy, Juan. It was the hottest guy on the swimming team.”

“I thought you were attracted to me?” Juan joked. Dad laughed at that and left us to it.

“You aren’t on the swim team. George is, though. But I’m going to stick with Cindy.”

“She does have nice boobs on her,” Juan smiled, agreeing with my choice.

“That’s true,” I said before I went silent. “Thanks Juan, you’re a great friend.”

“It was nothing,” he said. Suddenly he stopped and turned to face me, “wait, is that why you gave me this bracelet, to get me to like

“Nah, bro,” I said. “I gave it to you because I value your friendship. Whenever I’m down, you make me laugh. Whenever I’m upset
you calm me down. I love that about you.

“Juan was smiling and gave him a hug. He kissed me on the cheek and the rest of the night we played on a few games and discussed
my bisexuality. After that he even fixed me up with a few of his friends, of both genders.”

“Really? So that’s the story behind Yancey and you?”

Scott punched Jess, “That’s what you take from my story? I opened up about my sexual confusion and you care about Yancey?”

Jess laughed, “Well I was surprised you were confused. I always thought you knew what you were.”

Scott yawned and kissed his boyfriend. He loved being with Jess, but a part of his still wanted pussy, even though he really did feel
like I was in love with him.

Just after eight the next morning, Jess woke Scott up early so he wouldn’t miss Kris and Colt leaving.

“Morning boys,” Scott said cheerfully. Colt seemed to be walking a little funny. “Did Kris go a little rough on you last night?”

“Actually, it was the other way around,” Colt stated, with Kris having a few scratches on his arm and moving more slowly.

Kris laughed it off, “I stupidly borrowed one Corey and Matt’s dildos and then Colt thought it would be funny to slip his dick in
beside it. Good thing Colt has a small one or else my hole would never have been big enough.”

Scott laughed as he got in the car and they drove off to help Matt’s mom prepare for the little party later that night.

Kris woke up very sore. He appreciated and loved Colt to death, but that sexual experiment with the dildo and Colt’s dick really hurt.
Colt thought Kris might enjoy it, but he really didn’t. That being said, he wasn’t about to admit it to Colt. Colt would only make fun of
him for not being able to take it, even though he’d never let Kris try that on him. However, that isn’t what woke Kris up, it was Colt
hitting him on the side of the head with a pillow that brought him out of a really nice dream.
“Colt? Fuck… you’re worse than an alarm clock.”
He just laughed and pulled the covers off the bed, exposing Kris’s naked body. Colt enjoyed the view. “Come on, as much as I wanna
climb on top of you right now Scott is waiting for us.”
When Kris didn’t move, Colt grabbed another pillow and threw it at his head.
“Okay, okay! I’m getting up.”
Colt was soon laughing hysterically because of how slow Kris was in waking from their night of love making.
“Shut up! You’re going to wake the birthday boy.”
“Don’t worry about that,” Colt smiled, “After you fell asleep I got up to pee and they were still going at it. They’ll be asleep for ages
In no time they were in their cars with Kris leading the way, Colt following him and Scott trying to keep up with the two speed demons
in front of him. After a quick rest break to grab something to eat they were back on the road. They arrived at Matt’s house around noon.
“You’re staying out of trouble, Kris?” Matt’s mom asked
“Yes, ma’am.”
Colt laughed, getting a glare from Kris. “Um, Miss Linda, I think we should mention that Kris and I are dating.”
“Oh, okay.” Linda smiled. “Kris told me about when he was home for thanksgiving.”

Kris laughed because he deliberately told Colt to tell Linda just to fuck with him.
“Do your parents know about you and Colt yet, Kris?”
“Yes, I told them before I mentioned it to you, that same weekend. 
After eating lunch, Scott stayed at the house while Kris took Colt to do the something he had completely forgotten to do.
Before they knew it, Kris and Colt were standing in the graveyard, the wind was howling in the trees around them. He turned to Colt
and took him into a hug. “Thanks for coming, bro.”
“It’s nothing. You were with me when I found my dad cheating. I’m here for you now. It’s just sad I never meant him.”
“Nathan was great guy. Matt, Corey, you and Scott will always mean something to me, but nothing replaces your biological brother, you
should know that having Chase” Kris replied.
Colt gave Kris some silence to reflect on whatever memories were surfacing in his mind.
Kris had been so focused on Colt, his studying and all the drama of school that he let December 3 go by without a second thought. He
promised himself the moment he went home for the break that he would visit the grave.  
He was happy that for the second year in a row Colt was with him for this. Last year was special because he showed Colt the DVD of
Nathan and they truly made love for the first time, but he was also confused about his sexuality. Kris couldn’t go alone though, he was
scared of breaking down and wanted the support, so with Matt and Corey taking the time to be alone.
“Colt, thank you again for coming with me to Nathan’s grave.”
“Seriously Kris, you know I’m here you. I know from what I’ve heard you say about Nathan before that I would have really liked him.”
Kris smiled as he kissed the tombstone to say goodbye to Nathan and then they got back in the car and he started to drive. “Nathan
would have liked you too I think.”
“Yeah, anyone who makes me happy would have made him happy,” Kris laughed.
Colt smiled, “So, how come you’re Mom and Dad didn’t want to visit Nathan with you?”
“Nah, I think they secretly went to visit him on or around the anniversary.
The rest of the drive was filled with the usual chit chat and banter between best friends and boyfriends. When they pulled up at Kris’s
house Colt noticed there was no car on the drive.
“Where are you parents? I thought they’d be here.”
“They’ve gone away for the weekend visiting sick friend of my father’s. They’ll be back Monday morning.”
“And they left you here alone?”
“What can I say? They trust me.” Kris smiled as they got out of the car and headed inside. As soon as they were inside the door he
stripped down to his boxers and Colt followed suit.
“Did Linda invite the whole town to Matt’s birthday?”
“Nah, actually it’s just going to be close friends. Just the five of us, and I think Vince and VJ are popping in too.”
“I assumed the whole crew would be in for this. Matt has so many friends.”
“True, but in honor of Matt’s big day his mom wanted just the close friends. That’s why we had the whole crew there at midnight, all
them have long drives home today and won’t want to have to come here to have to drive all the way back. And Tanner, Johnny and
Brady from our high school are meeting us for a little celebration in a few days when we’re all free.”
“Can I ask what you said to Nathan’s grave?”
Kris smiled, “I just told him how much I missed him and how I wished he was around so we could talk about everything that had been
going on and so he could meet you.”
Colt grabbed his boyfriend by the hand, letting him now he was there for him and appreciated the sentiment. “Did Nathan look out for
you like you do for Matt?”
“Actually, in the beginning, yeah he did. With our age difference it was a bit difficult to relate to each other at first because he was
growing up and I was just a kid, but, we found a connection and it grew stronger every day. Then as I started to grow up and he started
to become more wild and reckless it flipped and I was looking out for him. He was a mess those last few months before he died. I hated
it and wanted to help him, but I never got the chance.”
For many years Kris had kept quiet about his brother because he couldn’t accept that he was gone. Then the guilt for not being able to
stop him from dying also made him unable to open up. Even after Matt pried the information out of him it was difficult to talk about.
Eventually though, around the time he got the N tattoo on his chest, he thought there was no reason not to remember his brother and
share the memories of him. There were more good days than bad to be remembered.  Colt touched Kris’s heart where the N tattoo
was, then kissed Kris’s lips. 
“Tell me more about him.” Colt said.
When I was much younger, around 10 or so, I was having these horrible nightmares. They were just stupid. I can’t even recall what they
were about, but they really scared me. Nathan wanted to put my mind at ease so he read to me from this book that I still have called
The Knights Tale. It’s about knights, wizards and kings. After a week or so I started to sleep better and the nightmares turned into pretty
cool dreams, but I begged him to read me the rest of the story, so he did.
“Tell me another story, Nate.” I said to him when he finished the Knight’s Tale.
“Not now, Kris, go to bed. Tomorrow we’ll begin a new tale.”
“Yes!” I shouted, a little too loudly. Nathan kissed me on the forehead and left my room as I drifted off into another nice dream.
The next day at school I was eating in the cafeteria and I saw this beautiful girl walk by. I didn’t know her name or anything. I wanted to
talk to her but I couldn’t. I was too shy. For the next few days I tried to build up the courage to talk to her, but nothing happened. I just
ate my food at lunch and then walked home at the end of the day.
One day, about three months or so later. I was in the cafeteria and I finally decided to approach her. I walked up to her and while she
was giggling with her school friends.
“Hey, my name is Kris? What’s yours?”
“Melissa. Can I help you?” she asked a little bluntly.
“I… just…wanted…”  I started to stutter, and her best friend just laughed, and then all of the girls giggled. The worst part was that
Melissa dismissed me. “Just go to your Dungeons and Dragons. I don’t date nerds.”
“FUCK!” I yelled as my mind was brought back to the present. I was just dreaming. That whole encounter with Melissa was a dream.
Then Nathan stormed into my room. “Kris, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I said, ashamed and embarrassed.”
“Bro, you can tell me.”
I didn’t tell him what my horrible nightmares were about, so I wasn’t going to talk to him about the newest one either. I kept to myself.
I didn’t let Mom and Dad into my inner most thoughts either. I was scared what they would think. I trusted Nathan a lot, but I kept quiet
to him too.
“Just go away,” He left me there.
Three months later, I asked him about his day, and he told me that Derek asked him out on a date.  I really wanted to talk to him about
stuff, just not about my thoughts.
Few nights later, he read to me from a new book in the Knight Tales series, he tried to engage me into conversation, but I didn’t let
him, claiming I was tired and shunning him again. I couldn’t open up to him, I just couldn’t. At that point in Nathan and Derek were
pretty much dating full stop. Eventually he stopped reading to me.  In the following few months I never tried to talk to Melissa. I just
kept to myself.  Then one year before Nathan died, everything changed.
I was thirsty and went grab some water from the kitchen. As I walked down the steps I heard some whispering outside on the porch so I
moved closer to examine the noise and was relieved to find it was Nathan and his boyfriend. That was the first time I saw Derek.
Nathan seemed to keep a separate life away from us.  Derek was quite handsome, obviously older than Nate though.
I was about to leave them to their conversation when my name was mentioned.
“I don’t know what to do about Kris.”
“He still won’t talk to you?”
“No. The last few nights when he was alone playing his video games I tried to engage him in conversation, but he would just answer my
questions without looking at me and go back to his game.”
Derek nodded, “I’m sure in time he’ll come to you.”
“He doesn’t open up to me, or to Mom or Dad. He has no friends at school. I’m worried.”
“Nate, you’ve tried. He may be young, but Kris is old enough to make up his own mind.”
“Oh, Derek, maybe it’s my fault. Aren’t big brothers supposed to be there for their little brothers? I want to be a good brother to him.”
“You are Nathan, you’re a wonderful brother.”
“Thanks, Derek.” He smiled and Derek hugged him, whipping the tears from Nate’s eyes
“Now let’s go to your place for some stress relief.” Derek smiled.
I found that an odd statement being that this was Nathan’s home but they went to Derek’s car and drove off.  I sat on the living room
couch thinking over my actions of the previous days and about why I wasn’t being open with him.
Before I could really delve in to it, I fell asleep on the couch. A few weeks went by until I was stuck at home with flu. Nathan came into
check on me and I pointed to the Knight Tale series that was now sitting on my bookshelf.
He smiled and nodded. After finishing the first chapter of the newest story, he stopped. I didn’t realize until that moment how much I
missed my time with Nathan. “I’m sorry, Nate.”
“Why, Kris?”
“I’m sorry for being a bad brother.”
“You’re not bad.”
“Please, listen… Nathan, I missed our times together and I hate that I don’t talk to you anymore.”
“You know you still can.”
“I know, bro.” I smiled. “I’m just and scared of what you would think of me.”
“Kris. I will never judge you. I love you too much for that.” Before he let me speak again, he swiftly changed subjects. “Let’s talk then,
what’s been happening with you?”
My first reaction was to say nothing, but instead I pushed outside my convert zone and told him about my day. I told him about how I
choked up whenever I saw Melissa. That night we talked for two or three hours, even talking about my shyness, and he tried to help me
through it. I went to sleep with a kiss on the forehead from my brother. It was comforting.
The next night he came in and checked on my flu and then he read me another chapter. After a few more chapters he put the book
aside and got up to spend some time with Derek.
Without thinking about it, I asked him, “How is your relationship with Derek going?”
“That surprised him and he sat back down. Instead of saying it was none of my business he actually spoke about Derek, he even
promised to introduce us.”
Kris turned to Colt to gauge his reaction, but he was speechless. “Continue with the story. You mentioned this story to me before in
passing the night I told Chase about us but you never went in to so much detail.”
“There’s not much to tell. The next few weeks we had our nightly chats, but soon he turned more to drugs and booze. I tried to stop
him, but I couldn’t. Three months later he was dead.”
“You did everything you could Kris.” Colt reassured him, when he noticed Kris looked slightly upset. 
“Yeah, thanks again for coming with me today.”
“I’ll come with you every year for as long as we’re together if you want me to, Kris.”
Kris smiled and leaned in to kiss Colt. They made out on the sofa with their hands running all over each other, but Kris soon pulled apart
and looked at the clock. They needed to get back over to Matt’s to help out Scott and Linda.
They threw on their clothes and jumped into Kris’s SUV. It was a short drive, but Kris loved the time he had alone with Colt. Although
he loved sex like any man he didn’t need it all the time with Colt and finally appreciated that just the time they spent together, alone
and away from everybody else, was just as special.
“Kris, I just wanted to say that I do notice a slight difference in you since we started dating. After our conversation a few weeks ago
about our relationship being more than just sex you became more caring and we’re even closer than we were before. You seem to
know what to say to make me happy.”
“What can I say? There is more to me than just a pretty face.” Kris joked. “Seriously though, Colt, you know there is more to me than my
overactive sex drive, which is in no comparison to Matt’s.”
“Yeah, I do. Kris, I knew there was more behind those blue eyes, that blond hair and that beautiful cock. When we had that conversion
at my house last summer and we had ‘the talk’ about our relationship, I knew then what kind of person you are.”
Kris nodded. That was the conversation where they discussed not fucking anymore and they tried to explain their connection to one
another. It was the first time Kris could articulate his feelings for Colt. Looking back though, Kris realized they were too scared, too
weak or too stupid to understand that there was love in their eyes back then. Sure, in the time since their conversation they had tons of
sex, but it wasn’t until two months ago that they had stopped kidding themselves and declared their love for each other.
Kris laughed. “We were so convinced what we said during that conversation in the tent was what we wanted. Look where we are now.
We broke up with our girls and have become great lovers.”
Colt chuckled too, “Not to mention we’ve played around with most of our friends, well, you more than me.”
Kris nodded, “Seriously though, it took me a long time to see things how I do now. I didn’t realize we had something special until you
came with me to Nathan’s grave last year and then we made love in my bedroom last Christmas and I showed you that DVD of Nathan
grave. I didn’t know it was love, but I knew it was something special.”
“Thanks, bro.” Colt said kissing Kris on cheek as Kris continued to drive. Kris went silent for a bit and Colt could only guess what he was
thinking about. He put his hand on Kris’s knee.
“Talk to me. What’s on your mind?”
“Just thinking about Nathan some more and how the spirit of him is still running through me.”
“How so?” Colt asked, curiously.
“Well, Nathan and I had our chats and then for a period after he died I had nobody to confide in. I literally kicked Derek out of my life
and then somehow Matt entered my life and for almost six years I had Matt to talk too. Now, with Matt and Corey becoming more
serious by the day, I don’t have him to talk too.”
“You do still have Matt, Corey, but more importantly you have me. Throughout your life you’ve had someone to talk to about what’s
going on. You need someone to speak to, to explain yourself to, to discuss shit with. That’s why you need to be around people all the
time. When you’re alone...”
“Then I’m fucked.” Kris interrupted.
Colt smiled, “Yep, but we discussed this already too.”
“I have a poor memory,” Kris suggested. After another few minutes of silence, Colt spoke up.
“I really wish Chase and I were like you and Nate?”
“Bro,” Kris turned his head and looked at his boyfriend, “You fucking are. Chase thinks the world or you, like I did with Nate.”
“Kris, I don’t know, although lately we have got closer, but I fear I may fuck it up somehow.”
“How?” Kris asked watching the road, recalling two instances when Colt was there for his baby brother.
“I don’t know. I’m always on his ass about something. You remember how I blew up on him for having us pick him up because he and
Tabor were drunk. And the time he got the rims on his truck.”
“Yeah and… you’re his older brother, you’re supposed to look out for him, that’s your job. Considering how great a father you had, you
had to be a sort of a brother and father to Chase.”
Kris continued until stopped the car on the side of the road suddenly. He turned to Colt and looked into his beautiful eyes.
“Colt, you were there for him when he needed you. Remember when he had issues with his girlfriend and we tracked him down and
you talked him. You go out of your way to hang with him. You’re a great brother and you won’t fuck it up.”
“Kris, you only know me how I am now. I wasn’t always like this. I might do something that will let him down. I’m sure of it. It happened
before. It will happen again.”
“Tell me then, what precisely happened before?”

In high school I wasn’t the most popular kid. I had a small group of friends that I hung out with, but I pretty much left them behind when Bryan
Fuller joined the school in my third year. I don’t know what drove me to want to be in his group. It probably had something to do with being as
popular as I could be. He was basically the school bully, always taking kid’s lunch money and starting fights with nerds and losers, so everyone
kept on his good side and never messed with him, but they also thought he was really cool, which was something I wanted.
So one day at lunch I decided to get noticed. It was stupid but when I saw Bryan was close by I roughed up some kid and took his money.
Apparently the kid was called Jeremy and was the typical effeminate guy you always think is gay so he seemed like the perfect target, but it
wasn’t that he might be gay that made me do it, it was simply because I knew he’d never fight back and I’d look really tough. He called me over
and complimented me on my technique. I was a wrestler in junior high school and still competed my freshman year in high school, so I knew a
few things.
Before I knew it Bryan and I became fast friends, we went to the movies, drank beer, traded girlfriends, and by Christmas vacation I was one of
the most popular guys in school. At home, Dad couldn’t have been any happier, even Chase looked up to me for how I became part of the in
Then in January a new kid was brought in and it was pretty obviously that he was gay. I didn’t know anything about gay guys then, other than
the shit my dad told me about them. Bryan grew up in similar household and his father was bigot who hated gay people. They thought they
were disgusting people that should be stomped on. That homophobic attitude was passed down to Bryan. My dad wasn’t quite so extreme and
even though he doesn’t like gay people he doesn’t want them eliminated, like Bryan’s family did. Dad was ignorant because of his Country
Club upbringing, but we’ve seen recently that his mind hasn’t been changed since.
Two weeks into the new term, Bryan asked me, “So, do you think it’s time to break the new fag in?”
We’d been calling him names when we saw him, thinking it was good and that we were carrying out some divine service. Now Bryan wanted to
get physical and beat the crap out of him when really the kid had done nothing wrong.
“Do you want to hurt him because he’s new or because he’s a queer?” I actually had the balls to ask.
“Because he’s a gay loving ass fucker, isn’t that enough?” Bryan was obviously irate. “I thought you were cool. We’ve been friends for almost
four months.”
“We are cool, but…“
The bell rang, which meant Bryan and I were separated for our last class. Bryan had a date with two sisters and he expected to be with them all
“Colt, you and me will jump him tomorrow after lunch.”
“Count me in.” I said.
The next morning I didn’t know what to do. I drove to school and waited for the bell to ring to signal lunch time, and before I knew it Bryan and
I were heading towards Emmett, the gay kid.
“Hey, fag. I think it’s time to up the ante.”
“Leave me alone, Bryan. I have no fucking money.”
“We don’t want that,” Bryan said turning to me, “Do we Colt?”
“No. We want you.”
Within minutes Emmett had a bloody nose and a broken tooth. I didn’t hit him, but I did hold him for Bryan. Bryan then removed Emmett’s
pants and boxers and wrote ‘FAG’ in permanent marker on his dick.
Emmett didn’t tell the principal or his parents, or anybody in fact, because he knew they wouldn’t care. The next three days, after school, Bryan
and I would continue to pick on Emmett.  On the fourth day I begged Mom to let me stay home, pretending to be sick. I hated what we were
doing. I felt so guilty. The problem was, outside of this bullying, Bryan and I were tight. He was a really good friend.
The fifth day, the Monday, I went to school and Bryan told me it was my turn to do the beating. But Emmett wasn’t at school. Bryan wanted us
to find him at home, so we drove there and Bryan, playing the role of concerned friend, got the information out of the neighbor that Emmett’s
family moved away.
Upset, I went home and Dad was sitting on the couch watching TV. “Dad, do you have a minute?”
He turned off his show and turned to me, “What is it?”
I told him about what Bryan and I were doing to Emmett and what caused him to leave.
“Congrats, son, gays don’t belong in our town.” He got up and patted me on the fucking back and went back to his show.
“I feel guilty about it, though,” I admitted.
“Why? You were just showing him where his kind belongs,” Dad smiled, happy that his eldest son was making him proud.
I went to my room and before I could do anything Chase ran into my room and slammed the door.
“How can you and that shithead, Bryan, be so cruel to people?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Colt, I may be two years younger than you but I’m not stupid.  My friend, Emmett, transferred schools because he was being beaten up. And
to think my own fucking brother did it. You didn’t know anything about him! You just jumped to conclusions and made his life hell.”
The guilt I was feeling for participating in it made me feel so much worse now that Chase realized I was part of it.
“Fuck off!” Chase said, and slammed the door again.
I always wanted Chase and I to be close and now I blew it. Chase was a good kid and a great brother.
Chase screamed from outside, “I looked up to you, Colt. Now I don’t want to talk to you.”
I let him down and I couldn’t believe what I did, all in the name of popularity. I tried to talk to Chase for a few weeks but he wouldn’t listen. It
was right around that time that Gramps and I were hunting and I told him about my concerns about Chase.
“You, listen to me, boy.” Gramps began. “Don’t be fucking up that relationship. Chase will be your brother for life, so make sure you fix it.”
Gramps wasn’t one for mincing his words, he just told me to fix it. So the week after I got back from the hunting trip I put my plan in motion. I
forced Chase to get a job, he hadn’t worked a day in his life and to show I was no slouch either, we both applied at a restaurant and secured
two positions.
“Meanwhile, as I worked at the restaurant, Bryan gave up bullying, for the simple reason it wasn’t fun without someone to do it with. I think he
wanted to show off more than anything. On the weekends Bryan and I would hang out and our friendship got stronger no we weren’t beating
up helpless kids.”
Kris looked at Colt, surprised by the story. “I can’t believe after hearing that tale how you can say you’re a poor brother and that you would let
him down.”
“I picked on a gay person and beat him up. Hell, we didn’t even really know if he was gay, he just looked it, which I now know means nothing.
But in doing so I caused Chase’s friend at the time to leave town.”
“Yeah,” Kris agreed, “you did that, but then you guys bonded at the restaurant, right? And didn’t Chase and Tabor become better friends
around then, after Emmett left.”
“Yeah,” Colt nodded, “What’s your point?”
“Colt, you saw your mistakes and you learned from them. You changed and you helped Chase out. He became great friends with Tabor and you
were concerned about your relationship with your brother. And look what you’ve done since you came to college. You’re a great role model for
“I guess.”
“Listen to me Colt, I know you’re an excellent brother. Matt and Corey know it. Chase knows it. You’re a hard ass sometimes with him, but
you’re looking out for him. That’s you job. Nathan did it with me. I did it with Matt.”
“You’re right.”
“Stop doubting yourself. Chase and you will be brothers forever. When he learned about you sleeping with guys, when he learned we were
dating, did he hate you? No.”
“You’re right Kris.” I kissed him passionately on the lips. “Now, start that fucking car, we don’t want to be late.”
“Oh come on. If I know Matt and Corey, they are still in bed.”
“Or fucking each other’s brains out,” Colt laughed, as Kris drove off again.


This is the first part of the events in and around Matt's birthday.   I hope you will enjoy reading them.


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