Posted:  May 21, 2011

I was shocked and worried for Kris since he just fainted after seeing the minor car crash. I had never seen Kris like this. He was doing okay until saw the car smashed into the truck. He looked on to his friends; Brady, Johnny, and Don were coming around. It had been 30 seconds since Kris hit the ground. Wait, where is Kevin and how did Tanner get here?

Then I heard Kris mumble, "Nathan...Nathan is that you?"

I answered bewildered, "No, it's Matt."

Kris opened his eyes and sat up, "It's okay guys. I'm okay." He stared ahead at the car and followed its glance. Brady's hood had been popped open while the guy who hit them was checking the damage with Tanner. Tanner was the resident mechanic in our group and another hottie as well with his blond hair combed to his face, perfect smile and flawless complexion.   He didn’t have the outward appearance of being mechanically minded but he could fix anything.

I asked, "What happened and are y’all alright? Where’s Kevin?" Looking them over, they seem to be okay with no apparent bruises, cuts, or burns. Kris was now up on his feet and getting a closer look at the damage with Tanner as Johnny explained what had occurred. Kevin received a call from his mother and had to bail something about some bad grades. Tanner turned up last minute before we left and wanted to surprise us. It seems Brady and Tanner were fighting over this hot chick they saw in a passing car. Tanner believed she was waving at him. Don and Brady believed she was looking at Brady. Anyway, during the argument, the truck driver it seemed was changing the channel and they both hit each other. I was glad it wasn't too bad and could have been so much worse.

We walked over to Kris, Tanner, and the truck driver. Tanner said, "Well, the damage is nothing, little bump, a scratch, and the hood is busted open. Had we been going faster the damage would have been extremely worse…"

Since the other driver offered the pay us for the dented hood, we didn't call the authorities or anything. Wondering why he was so nice, Johnny said, "That's old Willie, my uncle's next door neighbor.  He’s pretty cool dude in my book."

“His ass is lucky more damage wasn’t done,” Tanner stated. 

Not wanting to make the trip a total lost, we headed up the cabin anyways. As we were approaching or so I thought, I looked at Kris and was amazed how well he was doing despite the fact he had fainted.  Maybe he doesn’t like the sight of blood or something. I wanted to talk to him about it but couldn't think of their right question to ask.  I knew Kris would speak up when he was ready plus he may have been embarrassed to pass out in front of all of us.  I know I would have and been looking to crawl in a hole.

That night, the guys were sitting around the fireplace. I can't believe we have nothing better to discuss than who would win the battle between cavemen or astronauts.  I was sure it would be some deep talk who was the hottest between Beyonce, Britney or worse, Hannah Montana.  Kris was arguing that the caveman is a smart creature; they were able to kill wild animals, and they made fire. Not wanting to be left out, I had to agree with Kris.

Brady countered, "Oh please dipshits, the astronauts have the sophisticated technology known to man, plus a damn laser gun to kill a caveman dead in a flash.”

I added, "What if it was hand to hand combat with no technology of any sort?  It would solely rest on the person’s creativeness and adaptability."

Johnny said, "Matt, I'm sorry but that is like a copout response. Simply put, cavemen have fire, arrows, and spears at their disposal. Spacemen have lasers. Without that technology and tools of the time, then we would lose the argument. It would be saying who would win in fight, Brady or Don. They are both skilled, smart… well, they are skilled."

The group laughed at that.  Kris, being the man he was, changed the subject so artfully, "So guys, Matt finally came out of the closet."

Brady and Tanner had mock shock on their face. Don gave the biggest smile and Johnny got up and hugged me. I’d never felt this good in my life. Coming out to Kris was one thing, now all my new friends knew. I wondered what would come of this. 

I tried to shrug it off and said, "I think it was Johnny that put it all together."

Johnny looked a little embarrassed and said, "Well, it wasn't like we didn’t notice you try to get look at some of guy’s dicks in shower after gym. Come on Matt, I could see you doing your best to get a look."

Kris looked at me with a raised eyebrow, "You were looking at people's packages?"

"Don’t worry Kris, you don’t have the smallest dick in school," I said jokingly.

“I know,” Kris laughed.  “Have you seen Don’s dick over there?”

“Fuck you, bitch!” Don said. “I haven’t heard a complaint yet.”

Tanner was laughing, “Yeah, the girls can’t feel it.”

“Man, they would scream their fucking guts out if Matt ever fucked a girl,” Kris said.

“Dude, you’ve seen his shit?” Johnny asked, pushing back his long brown hair from his face.

Kris’s face turned red.  “I have.  Hell, we’ve spent the night together.”

“OOOO, so Matt’s fucking you?” Don joked.

“I’ll fuck your ass up in a heartbeat,” Kris said with jaw clinched tight.

“Chill Kris.  He was only kidding.  We know what kind of temper you’ve got.  One incident is plenty for us.  Anymore and there’s no way our parents will let us do this again ever,” Tanner said.

"You know I think Matt’s bravery and boldness for coming out calls for a celebration here among us," Brady said to change the subject and tense mood.  He stood up and headed for the door.  I was wondering what was up; it was probably a few cans of warm beer, or cheap wine that Brady had found.

Don's smile got wider with Kris smiling. Don sat beside me and said, "Don't worry. You will enjoy it. You need to loosen up."

Brady came back holding a baggie.  Instantly, I knew it was weed.  He sat at the table with us gathered around to roll a joint.  My world was changing right before my eyes with my first encounter with the drug in my presence. 

Finished rolling, we walked outside not to smell up the place.  Brady took hit like a pro and passed it to Kris.  Kris took a hit and exhaled the nasty smelly stuff in my face.  Kris was holding the smoldering joint in my face.

“No way!” I said.

“Why not?  It won’t fucking kill ya,” Kris stated.  “Just take a hit.”

All eyes were on me.  The peer pressure was undeniable.  “The only way I’m taking a hit is off one that hasn’t been smoked.  There’s all kind of nasty germs from you and Brady.”

“No problem,” Brady said and headed back inside.   Tanner denied it but didn’t catch any flack.  Brady returned with a fresh small joint and presented it to me, “Here’s one you can have all to yourself, Matt.”

“No fucking way, dude,” Don said. “He’s gets one all to himself.”

“Get real, Don.  After one hit, Matt will share,” Kris said. 

I had no idea what I was doing but listened to the pros around me.  The joint was lit between my lips and I inhaled.  It burned like hell and had me coughing.  The others were laughing.  I passed it to Kris, who took a hit while the new drug hit my body.  Not thinking about the germs, I took a few more hits before we extinguished it.

We headed inside and feeling no pain.  At first, I wondered what the thrill was but soon understood.  Kris disposed of his shirt as did Tanner.  Now I was very envious of Tanner’s hot six pack had going thanks to years of soccer.  We moved the furniture around and sat in a circle with snacks to cure the munchies from either being stoned or being growing teenagers.  It started out lightly before turning to me.  I was bombarded with question after question about being gay.  They asked how I felt, if I felt different, was I really attracted to guys, did I always know and other rather harmless questions.  I did my best to answer each one while giggling like a little kid at some of them.  Kris was eating it up seeing me stoned with my eyes glazed over.  With each answer, we were laughing and having the best time.  Then I had to endure their telling me about girls.  I wasn’t sure how much was true including Tanner going on and on about ass fucking his girlfriend.  Kris brought down the house so to speak saying Tanner and I were both ass fuckers.

The high did fade away as the night progressed.  I didn’t mind it as much as I had thought I would.  They asked if I’d do it again.  I said maybe but knew it wasn’t bad, but I didn’t want it to be a habit and rule my life.   Going to sleep that night, I felt great inside with some great understanding friends.

I was half asleep in the floor sleeping next to Kris when I felt his arm leave my shoulder.  I knew his arm had gotten there during our sleep so I rolled over.  He headed out the back door and returned.  He saw I was awake so I asked why he went out.  He said the coolness would wake him up plus he liked seeing the steam rise when he pissed on the cold ground.  I shook my head and tried to go back asleep but Kris wouldn’t have it.

The next two days went by quickly. The mornings were spent with everyone trying to wake up and running around in our boxers except for Tanner who wore briefs and go do so nicely with his hot body.  I was getting an eyeful but they didn’t care or treat me any differently.   The afternoons were spend trying to catch fish while the nights were poker and booze that Brady had gotten out of his father’s liquor cabinet.   At first, I was terrified baiting a hook but determination drove me to succeed.  Kris was pissed with Tanner and I catching the most fish of what little was caught in the winter.  They said it was truly beginner’s luck.  They were also enjoyed the fact Tanner and I had a little skill cooking to fill our stomachs with things we threw together.  Tanner was the king of cooking burgers in a frying pan while I had mastered doing eggs. 

Leaving was sad but something we had to do.  I had experienced a few new things in life as well as coming out to my friends.  Thanks to Kris, coming out was rather easy and painless plus they were prepared.

It was nearly dark when Kris and I drove up to my house. Mom was not home having gone out to visit friends. Once in the house, Kris acted like himself, belched and stripped his clothes. Kris never really liked wearing pants and loved showing his body.  He said he didn’t and was hot. I made us some hot chocolate with the temperatures dipping down low. 

I sat drinking the chocolate and was preoccupied with most of the weekend. I was staring into outer space with a blank look.

Kris asked me, "What's wrong, Matt?  Are you pissed about me telling the group you are gay?”

"Who is Nathan?"

"Ah...Um...he is a guy from elementary school I told you about,” Kris replied.  Quickly I could tell he wasn’t being truthful with me.  I was beginning to get a good feel of when Kris was being truthful and when he wasn’t.

"COME ON KRIS...who is he? The picture frame in your house had his name on it. The CD's in your car. I know he meant something to you. He has to be more than that."

Kris stared at me with the oddest look on his face. "Matt, sit down. Nathan was my brother who was two years older than me. Back in then I was shy little nerd that liked reading books. Never played sports, just read and played on the computer. The computer was my friend. He always tried to get me to go out there and experience life. I resisted since what better was there for me, than what I had…”  Kris tapered off.

I was a little taken back.  I sat stunned at his words and honesty.  I really thought Nathan was a friend who had moved away but never a brother.

"You see the picture frame belonged to Nathan. It housed a great picture of us when I was five and he was seven, taken by my father at the carnival we went to. When our friendship began, you kept reminding me about him, so I located the frame and put our picture in it. The CD's in the car were his too; I just never was able to give it back to him. Come here let me show you something.”

Kris showed me the necklace with the name Nathan written on it. He normally wore under his clothes or kept in his pocket. I looked at it still speechless. “It wasn't until recently that I started to wear it again or even wanted to wear it.”

"Kris, he looks so like you. Why didn't you ever tell me about him?" 

He looked at me with the saddest blue eyes ever.  Tears started to run down his cheek before burying his face in his hands.

I put the necklace down and came over to him, "Kris what is it? Where is he?"

Kris looked at him in eye and cried some more. "I can't! Not again! No I can't!" He yelled "NO!! NOT AGAIN!"

I understood.  Off all the things I learned from Kris this was by far the most serious and most vulnerable I ever seen him. He needs to talk about this.



"YOU MUST! You have been keeping this inside you too long. What happened to Nathan?"

"NO!!" Kris got up and walked towards to door, but I wouldn't let my best friend leave now.

I grabbed him and forced him to the floor. I pinned his arms with my legs against the floor. Kris tried to move but he couldn't.  I whispered, "Kris, where is he?"

Kris had no more fight left, and I let him get up but we just sat by the front door. I waited 10 minutes, 20 minutes or 1 hour; who knows? Then Kris said the words."NATHAN IS DEAD!! ARE YOU HAPPY!! HE FUCKING DIED THREE YEARS AGO!!" Kris tried to regain his composure.

I just held him closely and felt compassion like never before, "What happened? You need to tell someone."

"Johnny… the group… nobody knows about it. This happened before I came to this school." Tears were still coming down his face. "If only I tried to help him a little more. The last time we talked, it was about his habits. They were bad, drinking, sex, drugs… all the shit. I was worried about him. Then one night after we had a pillow fight, he got into his car to meet his boyfriend. At about 2 am that morning he called my cell phone. Asking to open the back door, he would be home any minute. He sounded stoned and little drunk. Well I was waiting for him when I heard a smash in the front driveway. His car had smashed into a street light right next to the driveway. The impact threw him from the car and out the windshield. He died that instant while Mom held him…"

"Damn, I am sorry Kris." Holding him, more things clicked in my head. The hidden board in the floor with the beer. Drinking as much as he does. The girls.  The openness.

"It's okay Matthew; I had to get it out. I must have scared you when I fainted." He never called me Matthew before. I shook my head. "You see my mom and dad. The smiles and happiness is just an act to cope from mourning him and facing facts. I removed all his stuff from the house plus Mom took down all his pictures. The good news is I never let his message fade away he was always in my head and in my heart.

I was teary eyed now as we sat on the floor, "What message?"

"You see I was kind of like you Matt. I was shy a little and never coming out of my shell. The last thing Nathan said to me was to live my life. So using that as my motivation, I called Melissa and told her I wanted to be with her and wanted to date her. She agreed. I joined the soccer team at my last year of junior high where I met Tanner and Brady and Kevin with plans of joining the football team next year.  Within six months after Nathan's death I had great new friends and girlfriend plus was out most every weekend at parties and having fun.”

I understood and helped my boxer clad friend up from the floor, "That is so good to change like that."

"The problem is sometimes I go too far.”

"Don’t worry Kris. I am here now and will be here forever."

"Cool." I knew this was also the reason he was antsy all the time and needed to be out and doing something, but I think Kris has kept that motivation on an unconscious level. He doesn’t want to think about it. He blames himself for his brother's death so he stays active without dealing with it. 

I said, "Well at least I understand why you are okay with me being gay."

Kris laughed, “That reminds me.  Is Jacob your boyfriend?”

At that, I pantsed him right there and ran upstairs to my room.  Kris came running up with his boxers in his hand and not caring he was naked.  He grabbed me and almost ripped off my boxer briefs.  He began tickling me until I was screaming and squirming around.  We finished and just lied on my bed.  I reached over to grab my boxer briefs to go to sleep.

“Matt, I know this is weird but… I sleep in the nude now all the time at home,” Kris stated.

I smiled, “I do too but won’t you feel weird sleeping nude with a gay guy?”

Kris gave it a little thought and walked out to grab his boxers.  Still seeing his cute ass was a thrill and never gets old.  He came back in the room where I had done the same.  We sat there talking about the weekend.  He was mostly interested in the ones I would love to fuck.  I said Tanner and Brady since I had seen Brady’s hot ass by mistake but left him out on purpose.  Kris laughed and said Tanner was proud of his looks.  I giggled and said he wasn’t the only one.  Our night ended with an awkward hug where Kris just leaned over and grabbed me by the neck to keep our bodies from touching. 

It was early the next morning when Kris woke me up when he went to use the bathroom to piss. I was still reeling over the last night. I would never have thought that Kris has a brother. Had a brother? The death must have been traumatic enough to change Kris’s whole personality.  I don’t think I could have handled it the way he had.

Kris walked in, “Hey bro, I need to tell you something. Now that you know about Nathan, I really don’t want to talk about it anymore. He was the best friend I had but it just brings me some bad memories.”

“Kris, that’s okay but I knew you had to get it off your chest. So I forced you to tell me. It will stay between us.” I kept looking at Kris.

He seemed like he had more to say while staring blankly out my window.  He cleared his throat and spoke, “I never met anybody like you. Not only did you remind me of how I used to be in another life. The way you helped that day in the office and coming to my rescue marks the sign a true friend.”

I countered, “I will be with you through anything; I will make sure you stay on the straight and narrow. I give you my word.”

Kris came up to the bed pulled the sheet off. He smiled wickedly, “Thanks, I mean that.” I thought he was going to hug me but instead he put me in headlock.

I left to take a shower and stripped off in front of him.  He screamed while I laughed it off. During the shower, I jerked my big dick off thinking of Kris. He has the hottest body I had ever seen but would never take advantage of that need or desire because that would harm my friendship with him. After busting the biggest load and coming back into the room, I discovered Kris on my computer with a site I recognized.

He turned his chair when he heard me enter. “So, let’s have it. I wanna know the details.” The site he had open was G-chatline. A website dedicated to hooking single gay youths.

Having nothing to hide I said, “That is where I first talked to Jacob.”

Kris looked interested in my story.

“Right around the day I met you there was this hot guy talking on his phone with spiked hair. I wanted him so badly and I needed to find him. While you’re flirting with one of game girls at the carnival, the guy showed up. He started playing a game next to us while you were trying to show that girl your strength. Anyways he was talking with a friend I guess and learned his name was Jacob.” 

I got up, kicked him off the computer, and entered my password to the site and there was the picture of Jacob. Kris looked him over, nodded his head of approval and motioned for me to continue.

“Well when I first realized I was gay about two years ago. I so wanted to go out and check out the nightlife, you know there is a small gay community downtown but I was too shy to go there. So I searched websites looking for some hot guys and through my search I found some great pieces. Then one day, I came across G-chatline and started communicating online with some people. After awhile, a few months on that site it got boring. Nobody of any substance was there.”

I looked at Kris was now on my bed listening with rapt attention. “Wait. You wanted to go downtown and see gays up close at that age. I didn’t even fuck Melissa until last year.”

“No Kris, I couldn’t do that, I was thirteen. I didn’t know anything about gay acts other than the basics.” At that Kris put his finger in his mouth. I nodded and laughed. “Yeah, that. So I knew he name was Jacob. I needed to find him. I mean what you do if you found the hottest girl of year dreams. So I knew it was a long shot I went on the site and emailed every Jacob in the state asking if they went to the carnival.”

“Don’t tell me that Jacob replied?”

“Yes, he did it. The past few months while I was getting to know you and the crew I was talking to him. He just turned 17 and is a junior. He told me a lot about being gay. He talked about his experiences; he told him how to come out to my friends. I didn’t know how I was going to tell you. Only five days ago he said he loved me and I said I loved him. Our conversation evolved and learned about him and him about me. I mentioned you and the crew.”

Kris hit me on the shoulder and said congrats, then asked, “So have y’all fucked yet? I bet he loves sucking your big dick.”

I looked at him and frowned, “I still haven’t really met him yet.”


This is another bonus chapter that my friend Andy has written for everyone who has been following my story.  It is the way he sees things before Matt entered college.   We hope you will enjoy it.  The story will continue as a weekend bonus.  

Please continue to COMMENT below as always.  It is great encouragement for some hard work.